Monday, December 28, 2009


January is my annual no-alcohol month. This year I have decided to call it a cleansing period. I will follow weekly themes which will not only provide structure but will require me to stretch my brain for new recipes. I haven't fully figured it out yet, but start with (not surprisingly) superfoods. I think I'll do a vegan week and the last will be a "healthy" week whereby my body will let me know what it wants and I will listen. (The idea sounds nice at least). I haven't decided about week three. I am thinking "whole foods" or something like that.

I am excited!! Am also intrigued to see what happens mentally, physically and emotionally throughout the month. I have a feeling I'll be a bit grumpy from time to time... but then, what is new? But what if I'm not? That would be awesome.

I have a spreadsheet made, but can't figure out how to attach it... I'll get the hubs to help and do so.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Garlicky Green Beans

Made these with salmon for dinner last night - Garlicky Green Beans

Super yum and easy. I usually make my green beans with pine nuts. I might combine some night or at least use the process.

OK. well that was crap

So I finally to went bed and totally can't sleep because of the sugar coursing through my body. Well that was a crap idea. Did I really think I could get away with drinking sugar and eating sugar and not pay? I guess so. I think I forgot that my body is overly sensitive to sugar. I have been sleep deprived for years now. I have been unhappy for years now. Linked? I think so. God, how I would love to be asleep right now, but I've got sugar coursing through my veins and a three year old sleeping for three more hours. God. tuna. salad. spinach. yes. please. Tomorrow I will be better.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Spoonful of Sugar makes the cravings go.... UP!

I didn't weigh myself for years and years. Then after this thing I did this summer I began weighing myself every day, sometimes twice. So. I think I am going to take a week off. This week to be precise. Why? Cause it is too hard to be looking at a number when this week has too many yummy treats and events to attend. Does that mean I am going to go hogwild? Nope. Just think I'll give myself a break and start again Sunday. Probably with a steak day. Will it suck. Yep. Cause really I love being skinny. Especially those four weeks in September when I could see my sixpack coming in and my muscles were just so there. It was killer. Now I've gained a pound or two and look FINE. But still. That was killer.

January is coming up and I generally do an annual TakeAMonthOffWine month. Perhaps that will help with some of the weight, but I have my Mar3 goal of the bikini to inspire me as well. Losing weight sucks. You have to be a bit hungry and I honestly think you have to give a little on nutrition as well. You just can't get in your 7 servings of fruits/veggies if you are eating less. So we'll see. I'll try it slowly, but I want to wear a bikini in March... and I don't want to feel bad about it.

Enjoy your week and the magic of the holiday! That is my plan.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

greeny goodness

Am trying this soup tonight. I was going to make a spinach with shallots side, but think this is sneakier (at least if it works) :)

Monday, December 14, 2009

The Power of the Apple

My dad eats at least one apple a day whether they are in season or not. He believes in them somehow. I've always been a fan of apples with peanut butter so am not that hard to convince that apples are good good stuff. I recently heard that apples dowsed in cinnamon (another fave of mine) are really good at supressing your appetite. So, tonight I tried it again. I am having mad craves for food. Something that tends to happen mid-month for me (call it women stuff if you'd like) and that is when I dive for the chips, crackers, etc that I ignore the rest of the month but that add up to the 1-2 pound increase that drives me crazy. So, this evening when the crave was calling I cut up an apple with my corer (something my dad never knew about even with his love of apples) and dowsed it with cinnamon. It worked! I have almost made it through the night, but know that I will. Weird, huh?

How many other spicely suprises are there to discover?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

little bits

I've come to some little bits of peace recently. About my body that is. I appreciate that where it is has brought me to this place. I know that I want to lose 5 pounds so I can wear a bikini for the first time in my life. I know that I have until February to do it. And I know that I can.

A plan is forming. For my life it includes all these pieces of me. I have often thought about teaching yoga, but have long struggled with it. I know now that it is not something I am ready yet to give away. What am I ready to give away? Food, and my ability to talk through healthy options, how eating can make you feel good, how necessary it is to make good choices and most of all to share my challenges. I know now that I will continue to sub as I can, but my goal is to help people with their health. I start with subbing - that gets me the money to pay for classes. Then I can work towards filling up my bits of peace with more. and more.

Saturday, December 5, 2009


I have been thinking about sacrifice and how it plays a role in what you eat. Here are the two options as I see them: eat perfectly and maintain weight, or eat pretty well, occasionally overindulge and then the result- the sacrifice. Most people I think do this on a subconscious level - they eat well during the week and overindulge on the weekend. That probably works well for most. For us overeaters though it isn't that unconscious. We must plan the ascetic day - the day of sacrifice or it just won't happen. Then weight is gained slowly but surely and you are no longer the thin/moderate/whatever-weighted person you were a few months ago.

So am I willing to sacrifice? Yup. Is it something I plan? Yup. I have a kind of weekly lower eating day on a day when I don't usually work out. Then when it gets to a point when I just don't feel like it is working any more then I do the big day of no eating (famously called the steak day). The thing I found today is that it worked well with yoga. I felt good and clear after not eating all morning and then a two hour class to finish the cleanse. Now I am feeling good and ready to start again tomorrow. Sacrifice sounds so bad, but it isn't, and it puts things in perspective. In fact, I need to play with my son now - that is where I belong.

Friday, December 4, 2009


Todays goal: don't overeat at the end of the day thus ruining all the days good eating. Ok, I know it doesn't negate it, but I sure don't like myself for it. And then there is this - Why the fuck do I still do this? And if I felt like I just needed more carbs in my diet I would do it, but it is so not out of hunger. What is it? Boredom. When my cortisol is spiking and I can't think of anything else I eat. I tried reading, I write some, but inevitably the thought comes creeping in. (What about those chips? Ginger cookies?) And then I can't stop thinking about it. I am not a night time person so I can't go get an graveyard job and on the nights hubbend is watching basketball there just isn't much for me to do. What do you do at night?

uggh. so, my goal for today is to eat satisfying meals (two down, yummy) and to only eat when hungry. Shouldn't be so hard, right?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Another Day

So I went to the naturopath for my test results. The result? I have low acids in my stomach which could be causing my food "allergies". If I can rebuild them then they should go away. The second? My sleep is horrible causing me to be tired and grouchy and ... Well, my cortisol levels at night are through the roof and that is why I can't sleep. At a time when your adrenal glands should be calming down mine are spiking. How do I fix this? Remove the stresses from my life that are causing me upset. Hmm. Essentially - be happy. Well, that wasn't helpful.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Where was I?

Oh yes, balance. Well, I'm looking at it differently this week. I'm looking at all aspects of my life. So, phyical balance? yep. Spiritual? hmm. Mental? nope. Emotional? see mental. For me, mental balance is predicated by the emotional. When I am emotionally out of whack then my brain spirals out of control. Often I forget I'm a women and naturally have cycles and emotions stemming from that. Once I remember that then this generally knocks the physical, mental and emotional back into place. Sometimes though a larger change is needed. That is where I am at now. I'm in process of letting go of the food. So now there is space for MORE. More in my life that has to do with things other than food, my son and this house that we can't afford to furnish. That is this week's challenge.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Too Hard

Sometimes when you are trying too hard to make something work you need to step back and get some perspective. Often going to my naturopath does that for me. This past time she helped me realize that I am working too hard at this. It is just a number. I have long put too much credence to the number which is why I didn't weigh myself for years. The number, no matter what it was, upset me. Why? Because it was a symbol of all the things I am not - thin, beautiful, perfect. So now, I weigh myself, but I just let the number be what it is - a measure of pounds that I am at that moment. If it is higher then I want then I'll just eat better today and see what it says tomorrow. But I won't worry about it until then.

Friday, November 13, 2009

focusing in

Let's see. More fruit! Less grains. Why? Cause grains make you gain weight. Wow. Sounds like "no carb diet", but really it isn't. You can eat squash, (yummy butternut) or potatoes or other fruits/vegetables made up of carbohydrates so it really isn't that. I kind of think I wasn't thinking about it the right way. My body doesn't process carbs really well in the afternoon anyway. But grains with sugar cause massive spikes in blood sugar and therefore weight. Grains can do it alone as well. I just need to think about it before I put it in my mouth. Which is really the essence of it anyway.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Staying Skinny

is HARD. I feel like I think about food all the time, or how much I weigh. I went so many years without a scale and eating whatever I like. I can't go back to that as I don't have the stomach I had in my twenties, and I honestly like being skinnier. However, it is hard. Do all skinny think about it all the time? Or is it just the newly skinny? Or am I not supposed to be skinny? Hmm. I'll have to think on that as I go eat my healthy lunch and prepare to make yummy seafood chowder... which I can eat because I'll eat a healthy lunch. Maybe some polenta fries too. Yah :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Found my Recipe

For the "healthy" cookie party.

Here it is: Oatmeal Chocolate Walnut Cookies

I am going to look at the cream cheese for options as well as possibly using agave. We'll see.

Friday, October 30, 2009

this week in brooke

This week has been tough mentally. And what do I do when I am mentally scurrying around searching for the nebulous happiness? I eat. badly. Everyone does something like that - mine has always been food. I hate it, but I need to some way to cope when nothing is wrong, but it certainly doesn't seem right. What I know: I need to spend more time with my husband and less with my son. I need to spend more time interacting and less time avoiding interaction (watching tv, reading). I need to smile more and when I spend time with son be present to it. This is my life. Perhaps I need to make some changes, but I can't eat my way out of it. Nope. Guess I'll go call my grandmother now.

Oh, and I'm making yummy cashew chicken salad for dinner! I love any recipe where I make my own dressing.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009



Last night's dinner was a success, though not all that exciting to me for some reason. I like pork, not a huge fan of mushrooms, but they didn't bother me. I like adding greens for the nutrition and black beans are always good. Why don't I care? I don't know. I am feeling a little ho hum these days about food. I remember two weeks ago everything tasted SO AWESOME. I wish I felt that way right now, but I don't.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


I have wonderful childhood memories of pomegranates. I used to walk down the street to the neighbor's property and pick pomegranates. I would take this home and then sit on our light posts, throw them on the ground to split them and then eat them in all their messy goodness.

I went many years broiling chicken and being a mediocre cook. How happy was I when I discovered this Pomegranate Chicken recipe? Soooo very very happy. I made it only on special occasions and was usually foiled by the time of year and limited pomegranate season. How happy was I when going throw my recipes I realized it was probably pomegranate season and I could make this for my family. Beta liked the pomegranates, Alpha liked the quinoa (sub for couscous) and I liked the combo. What a yummy meal when combined with some fresh brussel sprouts.

Monday, October 19, 2009


I just organized my recipes - they are in a three ring binder - and it is really cool to see how my diet has changed over the years. From my parents Mastercook recipes to my sunset, oprah and epicurious recipes I have developed my own way of cooking. I like seeing the slight shifts and I can remember what I was thinking about food when I put it into the binder. I am throwing many away - to make room for more yummy yummy recipes. Bring it on!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Lentil Soup for the Soul

Lentil Soup for the Soul

It seems that I am starting a vegan Fridays tradition. If Alex keeps making up good ones then I am going to keep cooking them. I am excited!

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Sunday, October 11, 2009

Butternut Squash Soup

I made this yummy soup last night.
Beta helped with the food processor to smooth out the chunks so that the hubbend wouldn't know there are onions in it. It was really creamyand flavorful; and now is frozen for a later eating. I tried to take a photo, but as most foods look gross in photos I thought I'd pass.... but trust me, it was good!

Friday night was corn and kidney bean chili (From the Oct 1 post). Also super yummy.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

And next?

So, after 1.5 weeks I lost the 3 (yes 3, not 1 or 2) pounds that I needed to lose. I am once again in the weight range I want to be. It is hard to stay within two pounds, but to maintain that set point is the goal. I preached moderation and just eating right. And that is what I did. I was a little stricter the last few days and that is what finally did it. The question is, was it worth it? If last Tuesday I had just done a steak day like I was supposed to would that have been better? More extreme, yes, but then I wouldn't have had the 1.5 weeks of worry and wonder. Because I not only wondered if I could lose it again, I wondered it if was too low and I shouldn't lose it at all. And most concerning is that thought I've constantly had in head that I need to lose weight. alway there. ALWAYS thinking i'm not good enough. How do I get that out as well?

Todays goal: be happy. (even if my son doesn't nap)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Granola morning

Yah for yummy granola! This is the granola I made last night and ate this morning with soy milk and raspberries. Mason loved it too.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

new patterns

Tonight we will (hopefully) create a new pattern. I eat really well all day, I exercise, and then nighttime happens. By then I am tired and just want to have a drink. When I drink then my inhibitions lower and I eat badly. Dumb. So, tonight at about 8pm hubbend is going to put on a pot of tea and we shall drink that instead. Hope it works!!

Monday, October 5, 2009

I having a hard time

I'm having a hard time getting out of weight-loss mode right now. I gained a pound or two during my weekend away and I keep thinking "I need to lose that weight". I am not doing anything about it of course, but I keep thinking I need to do it. Granted, this is just a pound, but it is still weight I don't want on me. This is where the head comes in to all of this. Like, the only reason I eat anything at 9pm is cause I'm thinking about food, not because I need it. So how do I get out of my head? Hubbend doesn't believe that I can picture the food in the cupboards. That I do this every night which is why I inevitably leave the family room for our bedroom. Then I read instead of think. So how to be ok with this weight (1-2 more than I want)? I assume once I stop obsessing it will go away too...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Warm up with Fall Chili

Warm up with Fall Chili

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This isn't about food, but I'm just irritated so here goes. I have someone who is a FB friend who used to be a real friend. In person we are still friendly, but are definitely not friends in my book anymore. Nothing happened - just drifted apart. She has always made snarky comments on my posts and recently it has begun to bother me quite a bit. One of the reasons is hypocracy. She posts statuses about people who stand in judgment of others to make themselves feel superior, but by calling me "prim" or putting down other peoples hairstyles isn't she just the same? Even if it is made in what I am sure she would say is a joking tone? I am just not sure what to do about it. Not a friend - check. But I just don't want to see it anymore.


I recently read a blog article where someone talked about how much they hated onions. My hubbend does too. I used to, but now have truly embraced them for the crunchy yet spicy yet almost creamy yumminess they are. This summer I started eating them roasted with olive oil and salt and think I won't ever go back. They are a wonderful staple (along with the garlic and some chili paste to give punch to any meal. They set the palate and create the base from which everything grows. Ode to the onion!

So, tomorrow night ratatouille. Saturday - fajitas. onionsonionsonions.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I had some yummy granola a few weekends ago and got the recipe... Mason and I are going to make it tonight. yah! granola and raspberries tomorrow for breakfast!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I enjoy patterns/ritual/stucture. I like the fact that I've planned my dinners for the next few nights and the ingredients are in the kitchen or will be after my New Seasons trip on Thursday. It sometimes seems like a burden to plan like that, but then I'm left to the whim of the moment and what happens? Crap. I had a great weekend of pretty good food, but this food left me feeling bloated, gassy and fat. And I was all these things. Still am, in fact. Cause this stuff has residual effects on the digestive system. I am hoping to work it out by this Thursday or I might have to take drastic action. This is known as a steak day. I so don't want to have to do this as I will be a horrible mamma and crankster if I have to do it. So, I am hoping my moderative, eat well approach will reign it in. I hope.

Monday, September 28, 2009

What is healthy?

Is it feeling good? Looking good? Tasting good? I spent the weekend with a bunch of 60 year old women who ranged the gamut of healthy eaters to unhealthy eaters, and healthy to unhealthy hearts. I came home feeling unhealthy, but is that the truth? Or is it all balance once again and just remembering where I am and how I live my life on a daily basis.

Monday, September 14, 2009

feeling feelings

So today my naturopath told me to stop losing weight. Now that is something I have never heard before. She told me I needed to eat more carbs, but admired my thoughtfulness in wanting to add foods meaningfully to a meal. So now, after having made halibut, a small salad, and onion on couscous I am feeling very full... and very fat. Huh. There must be a balance.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

different interests

I just posted on facebook a request for smoothies. I guess i was thinking that people who drank smoothies were interested in the same things as me. I was totally wrong. I used to drink smoothies that were all about berries and juice and protein. My new interest includes these things plus fiber and veggies. So having a juice, berries, fruit smoothie doesn't work - too much sugar. Neither does soy products or oils instead of fiber products. Huh. I guess I have specific needs. So weird to realize that my interests in health are so very different than others.

So, what I am looking for is a way to create a smoothie with veggies, no cows dairy, with berries, protein and (mono) unsaturated fats. Anyone have recommendations for that?


New Generation in smoothie

I tried a new smoothie this morning. First, the old one: oj, strawberry (or whatever berries are in season), vanilla yogurt, banana, protein powder, and dehydrated milk. I usually make this and then add spinach and pour them into popsicle molds for my son. He totally doesn't notice the spinach. hehe.

New smoothie: plain goat yogurt, goat milk, figs, mango, almonds, cinnamon, flax seeds, and avocado

Results: son wouldn't drink it. It was a little too thick. I tried adding more milk, but then the cinnamon flavor went away. Needs more mango as well. Almonds are yummy. Didn't notice the avocado (do i need it?)

Lost Weight on Ranchito Night

I can't believe it! We went out to El Ranchito (an old favorite) for dinner last night and this morning I lost weight! I definitely made different food choices, but the chips and margs were the same. The challenge with mexican food is the lack of veggies and too many carbs (rice and beans and tortilla). This restaurant has added some vegetarian options recently, but these have no protein in them (no black beans there). So, I went for the steak fajita with corn tortillas. Pretty yummy - wayyyyyy too much food. We took a short walk after. Was so dreading the scale this morning. What a pleasant surprise. My body is processing foods better since that thing I'm doing started and my naturopath discovered I have a hard time processing dairy. It seems more efficient now. What a marvel is the human body. I should thank it more often.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Bulgur Burgers

Well, that was a bust. While I really like the fixings the burgers shouldn't have been burgers at all. Really yummy insides that didn't benefit from all that bread. I think they'd best be in a wrap. This I will do for lunch in the next few days.

bette midler doesn't trust me

Bette Midler was on the Rachael Ray show sometime this spring and on reruns last week I saw part of the show while working out. I am an old fan of hers and when I saw she was going to be on I was excited even though I don't usually watch that show. At some point during the interview she said she doesn't trust people who don't like food. Huh. My idol doesn't trust me? That's sad. But wait, don't I like food? I didn't used to - but since this thing I'm doing started I've been more mindful of the food I put in my body and how it affects me. What role does food play in keeping my mind and body healthy and energetic? I now know that carbs in the afternoon bug me, but I need some in the morning for energy to workout. I know that veggies and protein are good at dinner, especially when I add some spices to them. I've been experimenting and really learning what I like. So don't I like food now? Now that I can trust food not to turn on me at any moment and shovel itself into my mouth with abandon?

I think so.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I ate pizza last night as my husband ordered it. You know the gross, pizza hut, salt-infested (reallyreally) yummy stuff. It (probably the msg) started messing with me immediately. My husband was unable to eat it; another story for another day. So, it just felt weird. Only gained .4 pounds though - so I must not have overindulged. Also, ate wonderfully the rest of the day. Good to know that indulgences don't totally screw you up.


I'm not very good at sharing food. I am much better than I used to be, but really don't eat my first bite or last. Unless I offer, of course. And I am offering much more these days as I work through my food "issues". At some point I figured out that the sharing thing came from not feeling that I had enough food to eat. Odd, considering my upbringing. We had plenty of food around the house, but where the enough comes into play is desserts. We had them around occasionally, but apparently we were all supposed to be as controlled as my dad and eat the proper amounts on a regular basis. That didn't work for me and I started sneaking food from a very early age. When my husband talks about having cookies around as a kid he talks like they were always there and he never really that about it. Still is like that - he lets the cookies I send with him to work (so I won't eat them all) go stale. That is interesting to me. At various times I have tried breaking myself of this enough or not-enough mindset. In "Overcoming Overeating" they say that you should have a Brooke-shelf and that you should make a list of your favorite foods. You are then supposed to eat the one the you really like until you don't want it any more. Oh, I can't even imagine how many oreos I hate in 2005. I finally feel like I have control over my food right now. I don't feel the pull of sweets and when I eat something my naturopath said to observe, not judge. When I do that life is quite good. Maybe I needed that food in that moment. Was that my body talking? Or my mind? Maybe, just maybe I needed squash instead. (I'm still waiting on that one :).

Now, it seems my son has this enough thing too I'm afraid. I was so glad when I heard he was a boy, I was relieved that I wouldn't have to model food for a girl and deal with all of this. Can't stop unless the food is done. How could this be genetic? I share my food with him all the time as does my husband. He'll share his food too, but he doesn't listen to his stomach, he eats until it is gone. Even when the result of eating that many craisins could NOT be good. I'll have to keep watching, hoping, and providing as much of good role modeling as possible. I don't wish this on anyone.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Lunch was yummy today. I had my first wrap since pre-diet. I am trying to reform my quesadilla-loving ways. My SIL told me about these high fiber whole wheat wraps and I used that with cabbage and hummus. I then had peppers with goat cheese and kiwi. Super yummy lunch. yah!

Wednesdays are tough for me as I have yoga at 5:30. I am usually super hungry by then, but it is not a good idea to eat for 3 hours before yoga. So my weekly conundrum is what to do to get enough food energy for yoga. I will probably have a snack in a little bit and hope that it holds me over.

On a general note, thus far my plan is failing. I totally talked to my husband last night about food, well, more about my body and how I have always wanted a six-pack. He was in a mellow enough mood that he hung with me for a while. He also thought it was an awesome goal. So do I, and think it would be awesome to achieve it at 34. Even for 5 minutes. :)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Tonight we had halibut with green beans and parsnip. I usually saute my green beans with pine nuts, but found a new recipe that included ginger, garlic, chili paste and soy sauce. It was super yummy. We convinced my son that the parsnip were french fries and he ate them with gusto. We'll have to get more parsnip in the future :)

I got a new scale today as the old one was totally wacky. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Pounds and Inches

Here is a link to the manuscript:

Monday, September 7, 2009

This thing I'm doing

I am 8 weeks into this thing I'm doing. It is called the HCG diet. I first heard of it from a friend who, after losing some weight, told me about it. But the thing is that she not only looked great because she lost weight, but she glowed with health. And that is what I am after. I have long been a healthy person who eats well, works out, and then eats crap. I was looking for a change in perspective and this diet seemed just the thing. I read Pounds and Inches, the book by Dr. Simeons where he describes the diet, why it is unique and how it is achieved. I was hooked and immediately called to set up an appointment with a naturopath.

After 25 days I lost the 23 pounds I didn't think I could lose. I had done it once before with Weight Watchers and I was STARVING. This time I wasn't and was able to finally get rid of the those post (and pre) - baby love handles. I am on my fifth week of maintenance and feel great. I had one blip last week and has been totally rectified.

The reason for this blog? Well, my loving husband is tired of hearing me talk about food, how to prepare food, what I'm making and the grocery store I will buy it in. I think I'll share it with you instead.

Oh, and I am working up a weekly spreadsheet to post my weight, exercise and diet. I have found it really helps seeing what I ate and how this affected my weight. I'm happy to share.