What are you… selling?

I have long resisted any kind of sales position.  I was a teller in college.  That didn’t sell any stocks.  I was a event manager… that didn’t sell banking relationships.  I was a development associate… that didn’t sell theater tickets.  I have long resisted any job that relied on me selling anything.  Anything that relied on myself.

Today my hubbend reminded me that I don’t sell weight loss.  I sell health counseling.  Clients (and I) get caught up in our goals, but really, when some hires me who wants to lose weight they are buying something I can’t deliver.  I cannot lose weight for someone else.  They have to do it themselves.  Weight loss isn’t easy.  It isn’t simple.  It takes hard work, a dedication to a goal, and a prioritization that many don’t have.  (which is why so many fail)

So I wonder why I am doing this rather sales related job (something I have long denied doing) when it is something that has such a high failure rate?  It is something I finally believe in.  Something that is so important.  Something that our lives depend on.

I don’t want to live my life in ill health.  I want to thrive.  I want to live a life of being, feeling, thinking and doing.  All within the harmony of living.

Don’t you?

Body Ownership

Recently someone told me that I was the only person in his life that he didn’t hug.  Now, I have to imagine that is an exaggeration, but still, that hit a mark.  Shocking for me to hear this as I used to consider myself an excellent hugger (still do actually, just don’t do it much).  In truth though, I stopped hugging because I didn’t want to.  I found myself uncomfortable with the whole act.  Hugs often feel dishonest to me and that very statement means I that I am carrying some story there.

So, I thought I’d look through my hugging history:

-High school – chubby, mom-figure to my soccer team hugged and carried everyone (resultant back pain ensued)

-College still loved hugging, especially the feeling of hugging big guys so I could feel enveloped.  Began to notice people that were especially bad huggers.  You know, the ones that either pat or lean and keep their body from touching you?

-Post college friends – there is too much drama there that I don’t choose to go into, but this is definitely when I stopped trusting hugs.  Yes, I said trusting.  Because this is when I stopped trusting people.  Stopped trusting them to be true and honest and good.  So I stopped wanting to touch people, because a hug was too intimate and I didn’t want a hug to be a lie.

-So I finally had a child and having this child meant that I had to be touched.  Constantly.  And this really put the nail in the coffin of hugging.  I certainly didn’t want to be touched by anyone else because I never got to choose the touching.  I began to resent this touching and it took many years to get over it.

-I think I got cats again last fall because I was ready for touch again, I think, but I definitely want my space.  I want to choose my touches, but I am ready for more contact in my life.  (I think there will be more on this later.)

So this person wasn’t the first person to notice it in my life, but they certainly have me thinking.  I have been trying to hug more.  But honestly and only when it feels real.  I won’t hug everyone, but I will hug people who I care about just to remind them in an unspoken way that I do care.  I love to hug my son and my husband (who are both exceptionally good huggers), and I go in for good hugs with my friends.  No half assing it here.

In a time where I don’t necessarily feel like I have a ton of ownership in my life, it is nice to feel this.  A good hug goes a long way.

Food Grouch

I have recently become a large fan of this blog written by someone who calls herself the Wellness Bitch.  And yesterday after ready a post on FB where someone totally attacked this person for her food choices (she had started a detox) I went to the WB and read something that resonated. 

Why do you think being negative would be productive in getting someone to change their eating habits?  Because I surely turn inward when someone attacks me.  The WB talked about how you sometimes feel like you are the only one standing up for your food choices.  That you feel weird.  And outside.  I don’t feel that way all the time, but I do sometimes.

Sure, it would be lovely if I had grown up a completely different person who didn’t care about food and just blithely went along making good food choices.  Doesn’t that sound great?  But I didn’t and I don’t.  I work hard at this.  I made great food (and horrible food) in this experiment of life that I call eating food that sustains me.  I shop in the bulk and produces sections solely these days in my vegan eating choices with an occasional trip down Tofu Way.

My son doesn’t like the look of these foods understandably (they don’t look at all like a grilled cheese sandwich), but I have to hope that what I am doing will positively impact him.  I don’t want him to struggle like I have.  I am proud that he knows all the vegetables by name in the house and knows food by the glass jar in the pantry, not by the packaging.

I am sorry if I’m a grouch, but this food thing isn’t easy.  The body changes as do the seasons and with that change comes a new set of foods to eat and learn how to cook.  I want to help people (my son, my husband, my family, my clients) make good food choices so they can be healthy for them.  I want people to understand that food isn’t always about hunger, but emotion and the past.  And this is ok.  I am doing the work so I can help others as well as myself.  And to make the decision to finally choose themselves.  Fully.

We all liked Oscar anyway, right?

Self Healing

I have recently become more and more infatuated with Ayurvedic Medicine.  I can even spell it properly now.  I really liked it from the moment I heard about it last fall, but it was a bit more complex than I could grasp in an overview.  Last week’s lesson was dedicated to Ayurveda and after listening to a 2.5 hour lecture and all the attendant research I feel like I have a decent handle on it. 

What do I like about it?  I like that you take ownership of your life through self knowledge.  I love that by knowing your type you can look at what ails you through that lens and find ways to fix the problem.  I can’t sleep at night, well, as a vata it clearly states that I need more grounding activities and should eat warming, grounding foods.  I didn’t have this information before but I knew something was wrong.  It all makes sense now.

It makes sense that I fly around like a crazy person and when I do this in the winter (vata time of year) in combination with eating raw I am feeling unsettled.  I just love it.  I love the power I feel in the potential to heal my own ills. 

I have always admired my hubbend so for how he took control of his illness through western medicine.  Now I have that power too.   Reading a new age-y book recently the author talked about creating your own present and future by talking positively.  This is generally the type of book I would throw across the room, but I loved the idea that the next time hubbend has to go into that surgery room I can bring a little bit of eastern love and ask them to speak positively so we can make sure that we do all we can to heal ourselves.

Self-Care, Self-Healing.  What’s next?  Self-Love!

me and my nerds

So I think I have been going about it the wrong way.  I just listened to a lesson on feeding your family and the key to feeding your family is not to force them, but to show them the way.  Now I thought I was doing this, but my hubbend's and my view on nutrition is drastically different.  And if modeling was effective then my son would like kale a lot more than the mac n cheese/chicken nuggets/fried rice options my hubbend presents to him 1-2 times a week. Because he totally eats whatever J eats.  He automatically hates my food (no matter how much J acts out loving the food at dinner) and loves what they eat together.  I have less of a problem with J's food as he is an adult male who chooses his own path, as my son who will soon go to school and will have to make healthy decisions for himself.  Well - this scares me.  Because school food is sooooo gross.  And the paternal side of the family has eating/digestive issues that could totally be diet managed.  But they don't care to.  and I can't control it.  BUT I want to.  BUT I CAN'T.

All I can control is myself and that barely.  I think I am the last person who should be in charge of someone elses nutrition.  Weird that this is what I choose as my next career.  Probably will be successful because I will work with people who want to make a change in their diet/nutrition/lifestyle vs the people I live with.  They are content. 

Wouldn't that be nice?  To just be content.  at peace.  love myself and where I was at?  But that is the essence of me.  I want more.  I want to do a Half-Ironman.  I want to eat better (more responsibly).  I want to be a good person.  I want to have a healthy social life.  I want more.  I always have.  I honestly I think that is ok.  That is who I am.  Those who love me do so knowing that about me.  And I love them for knowing that.

I love you.

And I really do hug well.  You'd be amazed how good a Brooke hug can be.