Thursday, May 27, 2010

Is it just that

I am supposed to be chubby?

This book I'm reading at first pissed me off. The description of the food industry's "highly palatable" foods - foods created softer, and designed with the intention of making us eat more, not well. I was angry. I know it is my responsbility, but shouldn't the food industry care that they are making us fat? Bigger portions sizes so we feel like we are getting a deal. Knowing that most people overeat when presented with more food? Where does the responsibility lie?

But then I read - more and more people are chubby, but only some are conditioned to overeat. I am one of them. I think about food wayyyyy too much. It makes me mad. resentful. but I do. I have tried hard to maintain my weight and generally it is ok, but sometimes I feel like I spend way to much time thinking about food, when the next meal will come or when I next get to have a cookie. I spend so much time making, buying, cooking good and healthy meals. But all I want to do is eat crap. I don't because then I'll feel bad and won't get to run and do the things that I love I can do. But it kind of goes back to the beginning. Why am I one of those people that have been sucked into the "give em bigger portions and they will eat more" group? My parents aren't that way, my husband isn't that way. Seems like it is neither genetics or environment.

Does someone else have the answer? I don't think so. While nutritionism is a new science and considered "soft" by those that consider it at all food science is definitely a science. The ability for companies to test out food and combine them with chemical flavors that are sure to arouse our interest. Nutritionism can't compete with that. Not when you have to fight brussel sprouts against "Flamin Hot Cheetos" and large corporations who have the time and money to spend on research.

So what do I do? Today I just try to eat well. Fight the good fight. (and yes, it is a fight)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Note to Self

When biking for the first time in 2 years don't pick a ride that includes riding to the top of a mountain (albeit a small one) and then riding the sw hills. It doesn't really make up for the fun of riding down Terwilliger (although it was close).

On the plus side I am totally ready to do another triathlon this year. I biked (badly) and then ran 3.1 miles at just over 8 minute miles (my usual pace). My legs felt like rubber so I assumed I was running so much slower than I was. What a pleasant surprise after the unfun bike ride.

Two lovely things to share about the bike ride. Tryon Park path is rad on a bike. There is also this super cool secret park-like area in sw portland that I probably can't find again that was totally lovely and if I could find it again I would totally want to live there. That is one of the many reasons why I prefer sw portland to the eastside. Yep, I do prefer the westside. I know that makes me unhip, uncool, unwhatever, but good things happen on the westside with our windy roads and hilly terrain.

Oh, and I should mention that I think I've found the perfect pre-workout food. I have long been searching for the food that can sustain me during a longer workout. It must include grains, protein and a bit of sugar (liking the banana form in this recipe). So, this is it - the Peanut Butter Performance Pancake: Give it a try and let me know what you think.

Love that it is a pancake too. Everything is better with pancakes.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Almond-Honey Power Bar

Since the peanut bar I make doesn't excite the boys I think I'll try this one next: Almond-Honey Power Bar

Monday, May 17, 2010

Sugar, Fat, Salt

I assumed (as a sugar craver) that heavy people are sugary eaters and thin ones like salt. I've learned that this isnt' quite true, but now I am ready a book where sugar, salt and fat are all considered problem areas. I don't think that way of salt and fat. Is that because I don't have a problem stopping eating salt and fat?

Really, the problem is the inability to stop thinking about food and eating it after you are "no longer feeling hunger". Why do I think about food when I am not hungry? That is strange to me now that I am full (having eaten dinner and 4 cookies) and that is strange to me when I have stuffed myself. Because I am different than some of thse people that are overweight and talk about foods they LOVE. Eating experiences associated with great memories and descriptive words about texture. I don't feel that way about food. I think of it as fuel. BUT THEN. I eat cookies. when I am not hungry. because I am not satsified. with something.

but what? I'd say I'm still sad, but I'm not. So what?

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I've spent the past eight months focusing on nutrition, eating well and balancing my eating so that I can maintain my weight. It has been challenging, interesting and incredibly frustrating. I feel now that I need to go back to an old enemy and look at it again. I think it is time to look at overeating, why it happens and how I can manage it. At this point I have figured out how to maintain a weight I am happy with, but certain behaviors within that eating still bother me in the lack of control I feel. So, I am reading "The End of Overeating" by David Kessler. It looks interesting. I'll let you know how it goes.

Monday, May 10, 2010


Today he woke up a new boy. Asked nicely, didn't whine, didn't cry, didn't take things rudely or hit me. We played, we made waffles together, took a walk and now he is napping.


Bonus - haven't had to read a volcano book in two days. Actually got to read a plot-driven picture book!!

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Seriously, dude, are you really going to be that big of a dick on the one day of the year you are supposed to be nice to me because I am your mother? Seriously? I obviously built up some expections about having a nice day that were unrealistic, but really, it shouldn't be that hard to just not be a TOTAL ASSHOLE.

Go to bed. And get up a better person.
Then I can be a better person because I don't spend my time hating my son.
Yep, hating. And boy does that suck.
I don't want to hate anymore. I thought I was done. I thought I was done being around people who treat me badly and don't respect me.

Monday, May 3, 2010

state of the mama address

So, this mama is tired. The thing is that my son seems to prefer having two parents around equally. He thrived last week with so much dad AND mom time. I thrived having indepedence and knowing that I contributed to the world. The dad? Not sure his career could handle it. The house? Well that was just disgusting. I just spent all morning cleaning. Hence the tired. Hence the son who prefers having his dad around cuz he plays more.