Inner beast

And my inner beasty rears its ugly head.

Like so many things we tend to attribute the bad parts of us to outside causes.  I was reading a book recently where the main protagonist was fighting against herself in a good vs bad battle to make the right decisions.  She called the bad side “the beast” until she realized it was all her.

Such it is with me.  Sometimes the beast is calm.  I make good food decisions, I eat really well, and enjoy doing so.  Other times the beast takes over and I feel out of control, unhappy about it, but seemingly can’t stop it.  This cycle builds and builds until I am so irritated, so out of control that I have to bitch slap the beast and start again.

And so it begins again.  I do a cleanse.  I restart my good habits, clean eating, listening to my foods rules that the beast so easily eschews.  This lasts longer and longer as I have built in this cycle starting from strength. 

Sometimes I think the beast is dead.  I think I am so strong now I can handle anything.  But then something so simple trips me up and I eat something I wouldn’t usually eat and it then another and then another. 

It is really frustrating to wish that food could just be the energy to provides my body the strength to do the things that makes me appreciate living in me.  Once again I have to sit back, think about how to build from strength and appreciate the weakness so that cycle can be stronger this time and perhaps I can learn, make adjustments and do it again better.

I love the clean part so.  I love the calm in my brain.  I must remember not to feel such a fraud.  I am not perfect.  Who is?  I am on this path.  Every moment of my life has brought me here.  What can I learn from this to take me into the future with love?

Cleansing vs detoxing

Every once in a while most of us feel a little bogged down and try to eat a “clean” diet for a while.  This is a great thing to do.  A great way to reset your system is to do a cleanse or detox.  I just finished the “Colorado Cleanse” with Dr. John Douillard.  I have read a number of Dr. Douillard’s books as I have been exploring Ayurveda.  Ayurveda is the India principle of eating based on body types and seasonality (very simply put).  

Cleansing is a great way of cleaning out the body of nasty foods that are bogging down your system.  Taking some time out of your daily eating routine to development new patterns.  Detoxing is taking it to a new level.  That is moving cleaning out the bacteria, villi, resetting your digestion, and a general healing of your system.  This is a great way to expose the weaknesses in your digestive system.

The first time I do a cleanse or detox I usually have a hard time.  The more times I do it, the more I learn about my body and the better I feel.  So as I hone in on the the weaknesses I feel within my body and spend quiet time figuring out how to heal myself.

I having Dr. Douillard lead this cleanse.  I will probably do it on my own next time.  So, this spring you should join me!  You will feel better for it!

Disordered Eating

Is a highly episodic and cyclical problem.  Whether it is body image issue or a food related issue you can solve it for a while, but it comes back if you let it.  It is sneaky.

When you find yourself struggling with food cravings, energy issues or bad patterns old or new there are some things you can look at to help:

1- Disordered eating usually rears it’s head when something is off in your life. Observe: is something lacking in your life, or how are you out of balance?

2-Notice how the pattern emerges (daily, hourly).  Does it look different than last time? Then…

3-Think how how you worked it out last time, is that structure still in place?  If not, would that work again?  If so, what has changed?

4- If it is new think about what is going on (probably outside of food) and notice if that brings up an emotional or food response in you.

5- Talk to someone.  Talk to someone who won’t judge you.  Someone who will listen to you and help you reflect on what is going on in your life and who makes you feel supported.

Does it help to know you are not alone?  You are not.  There are so many people out there with disordered eating issues big and small.  We all hide it.  Be proud of yourself for being aware.  Now move on to the next step and find ways to love yourself without food!

Take Care.

This month in being a woman

Being a woman has its distinct advantages. However, the disadvantages come in a monthly package. Monthly I deal with emotional spikes and consequential eating issues. This month there is a new twist - I have increased acid in my esophogus causing almost constant heartburn. YAY! I never had heartburn pre-pregnancy, but my short-waistedness and firery child inside made it a 5 month joy of popping crystallized ginger and tums. Now it is back. Yay! Luckily I found some deglycyrrizinated licorice root extract (dgl) and it has helped a ton.

That leads to my second issue the month. Overeating. Weirdly there is a variant to the norm of shoveling sweets down my throat at night. This month I am just overeating. Nuts. Weird. Back away from the nuts, Brooke.

I wonder what next month will bring?