Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I need a project.  Something meaningful.  I think Christmas decorating will be fun, but I don’t think that will be enough.  With the advent of January I will begin my month-long cleanse.  This year's iteration will contain a whole body cleanse… different than years past projects in that I mostly removed items from my diet.  Or last year when I tested out various diets.  This year has been one big long experiment in diet and eating and to end the year I need something to end it meaningfully.  Winter isn’t the time for intense tri training so that can’t be it either.  See, I have rather thought it through.
The thing that seems fitting is introspection.  But how is that a project?  At a time of year lent to parties, consumption of treats/alcohol,  and gift giving/receiving, how do I spend it introspecting without coming out feeling like I’ve missed out on the joy of the season?
So, my project.  Something calming, warming, honoring of the season of fires, hibernating,  yet filled with holiday cheer.  I love a challenge Smile.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Chicken guilt

When I first started cooking I learned to make chicken.  And when my mom would come to visit we would head to Costco to get their individually wrapped chicken breasts.  Et voila, Brooke had what she needed to make whatever chicken dish she could find.

I love my chicken cashew salad recipe.  It is so great, easy, and great as leftovers.  I have made it for at least 6 years and chances are that I’ve made it for you. 

When I lost weight last year I found the easiest way to maintain it (and lose it initially) was a diet low in starchy carbs, high in protein.  This is not a diet that can (or should) be maintained for a long time as we do not need this much protein in our diets.  About six months ago, once I was finally confident that I would maintain my weight loss, I began working on eating less protein and adding more complex carbohydrates in my diet. <tangent> I should mention that I have added in more mono and polyunsaturated fats into my diet… They fill you up and give your brain something to live on.  If I hear “fats make you fat” one more time I might scream!! </tangent>   I also had my long standing sugar problem to work on.  This fall, I realized that all those sugary vegetables could totally help those cravings.  How exciting!

So now I find myself eating very little (meat-based) protein and feeling happier because I am bingeing less on those sugary foods. 

When I went to Costco Monday to stock up for Thanksgiving I bought some chicken out of habit.  it had been on my Costco list for over a month and I just hadn’t missed it in the freezer.  It is crazy though because ever since I put it in the car I realized that I didn’t want it, I didn’t need that much chicken any more and fully bought it because I used to.  I even feel some guilt knowing it is in my freezer right now.  These days when I make my cashew chicken salad I usually make it with turkey.  Local, organic, turkey.  A turkey or chicken that lived a decent life.  Because I am not going to stop eating protein all together.  I don’t find that morally I feel that need.  But I do have enough knowledge now to want to eat things that have lived a good life and I want to put things in my body that are going to enhance my experience of living.

What am I thankful for?  The knowledge that I’ve acquired to know that I am filling my body up with good foods, treated humanely and filling myself up with goodness as well.  I am going to go make my Thanksgiving turkey now that has been brining over night.  I am going to dance a little and talk nicely to it as I do.  It could only do good right?  If mood contributes to who you are it can certainly contribute to what happens when you eat.

Take Care and have a GREAT Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

My green limit

I was wandering around the Capitol yesterday looking for a place to eat a yummy lunch.  I search on my brookeberry for "organic restaurant" and "vegan cafe" just to see what I could find.  I found one that looked good and went off on a walk to the restaurant.  On the way  I found "Green Cafe" and walked in.  It looked very environmentally friendly, yummy, but when I got the line to order I realized it was a little too green for me.  No coffee on this cold blustery day.  And while I really like to make good healthy choices for the food I eat I found my limit.  I wanted coffee, I wanted the option of desert and I wanted to pick and choose from more than three salad options.

I need balance in the foods I eat because when I eat "too healthy" it causes the inevitable backlash (binge) and the resultant guilt.  So I look for balance in my meals and try to get some variety that will keep my interested and satiated.  So I can enjoy that yummy pecan pie when I see it.  Food can't be the enemy because that makes me my own enemy.  And I don't want that for myself.  Anymore.

So, a potentially new food rule for me: If the restaurant is sooo healthy that they won't even serve coffee, it is probably too healthy for me.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Fat books

I actually walked away from a fat book today.  For the first time I didn't resonate.  So, I put it down, put it in the book return slot and sent it back.

I usually love reading about emotional eating.  I feel good reading about people who have problems with eating or their size and then in typical light fiction fashion work through it and are happy.  Or, I read the nonfiction variety about how and why people eat and different ways to think about food. 

I recently read a book where the protagonist talked about binge eating.  Not all fat people binge eat or even have eating issues and not all thin people eat well.  In fact most people don't eat well at all.   My main eating issues come from hiding and binge eating.  I know exactly what I should be eating, but "want" the other foods.  You know, the ones that everyone else eats.  I hide the bad food that I eat so that no one knows why I am chubby.  I eat it so that no one can look at me and know my weakness.  It is interesting that being fat is something that you can't hide.  So many other addictions can be hidden fully from society/friends/family.  Eating badly can be hidden - you can portray all the healthiness you want from your vegetarian/organic/whatever diet, but the resultant habits show up very clearly on your body whether it is bad skin, weight in places you don't want it or in lack of muscle tone.

I used to resent all the skinny bitches out there.  Now I don't.  I realize they are no better off than me.  They have their issues - issues that don't always show on the outside. 

I associate with binge eaters even though I am no longer fat.  I associate with people who try to eat to feel better.  I associate with the lonely stay at home moms who yearn for a community and a place to feel accepted for their choices.

Think about what you hide.  Think about what you want from your life.  Now try to bridge the gap between the two.  How can you make it happen?  How can you make what you want from your life into what you have dreamed?

Monday, November 8, 2010

Week Two of a Dairy/Egg free life

I was sick last week so I was quiet about this.  I didn’t think I noticed much at first, but aside from the weird grossness I feel from eating fried foods last night I think I feel better without the dairy/eggs in my life.  I feel a little lighter and cleaner.  Oddly, last week I was mostly vegan as a consequence of eating dairy free.  I had tuna once, but mostly ate veggies, soups and squashes (as befits the season).  I think it was easier without hubbend home so I didn’t eat out much – just ate simpler.

I am going to try to go without magnesium this week to see if it is really helpful, but aside from missing eggs for breakfast it isn’t really hard to go without.  Although eating outside the home is fairly challenging as well.

I’ll keep thinking about it.  Next week I’ll be traveling so I will have eggs, but it might be hard to tell why I am feeling good, bad or ugly and if it is related to eggs or just travel.

I am thinking I will do a whole body/organ cleanse in January this year.  That or the whole life nutrition 28 day cleanse which is for the gluten-free people in your life.  Who wants to join me?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Letting Go

For most of my life I have wanted more.  To be better.  I accept that I have limitations, that I am not a super human, but I think that I should be a better yogi, a better mother, a better person.  I think I should at least try.

And if I accept things as they are it is like giving up.

Now it has changed a bit.  I feel that letting go gives me space for more in my life.  More peace, more opportunities (to teach yoga instead of solely try to be the best practitioner)

Now I feel like letting go is a releasing.  A peace-ing.


And… breathe.