Kuuuu neeeee

My knee hurts

I ran a bit today to keep from getting totally drenched.  Yes, it is July and  still spring here, but that is another story.

My knee hurts.

I might have high expectations for my body and what I want it to do.

But running one block is not high.  Can’t everyone run ONE block?  If they can’t well I don’t want to be everyone anyway.

</end bitching>

Self Care

The hubbend and I have conversations occasionally about the past and how things might have gone differently.  Like, what if we hadn’t left Colorado?  What if we hadn’t met?  What if we hadn’t had a child?

I assert that leaving Colorado was the best decision of my life.  And if we hadn’t had a child I have to wonder if I would still be a Library Media Specialist for the Harold Oliver Intermediate School going on my fifth year now. 

One of the questions on the Health History consultation is: when was the time you felt best in your life.  I confidently state it is now.  Why?  Because I have finally learned how to take care of myself.  At 35 I feel the fittest, happiest and most fulfilled I have ever felt.  Which is why I found myself thinking about the past this morning.  If I were a LMS at HO would I have learned all I have about my body and it’s potential in the past 5 years?  Is there something about having a child that, ironically, has taught me how to take care of myself?  Interesting that being a mom could teach me to have better self care in that this is the time most mom’s neglect themselves.

How do you take care of yourself?  I do it through exercise, but that is something that has developed over the years.  Yes, I have always exercised.  First, to make sure I was in shape enough to play soccer and then just because it was what I did.  Now, I get so much more from it.  I do laps in the pool and instead of being bored I find myself solving problems.  I run and get to spend time with friends or just enjoy the fresh air.  I practice yoga in a healing space that grounds me yet allows me to fly.  It is more than cardiovascular now.  It is spiritual.  Weird.  Cool.

So I ask again, how do you take care of yourself?  And if you don’t know, pleaseplease think about it.  And then build it into your day.

Take Care.

Then again

Once again the rules have changed and I am slightly behind in figuring it out.  I am not the most intuitive person so I am not surprised just glad that it finally sunk in.

What am I talking about?  The vague references aren’t clear?  It might be my lack of clarity which explains my lack of ability to clearly elucidate my thoughts.

I am sitting here sweating because I have had coffee which my body evidently doesn’t need.  Lemme go get a glass of cool water and I’ll be back.

OK.  Will henceforth start spilling it~ I have been eating too many carbs!  What?  How did that happen?  Well, after spending one year eschewing them as a way to maintain weight, this fall I started adding root vegetables and whole grains meaningfully into my diet.  Why you ask?  Well, this summer I didn’t have enough umph during my Olympic Triathlon and part of that was due to not enough carbohydrates in my diet.  Because complex carbs are good for endurance athletes.  The fiber slows down the absorption giving your body energy over time. 

So, what is the deal now?  Well, I am not training for a triathlon right now.  I work out, but just not as hard or for as long.  I don’t need all those carbs in my diet to keep my body keeping on.  I need to back off a bit.  Cause the belly is bugging me. 

In the spring I can come back to this, but I need for find my balance for now.  For winter.  Which is different than spring when I am training for running.  Which is different than summer when I am actively training and competing.  Which is different than fall.  Wow, this stuff isn’t easy.  And everyone is different. 

The body is amazing and complex, isn’t it?

Enough

I need a way to have some food in the car (non perishable) so that when I find myself at the gym lacking energy I can eat this thing and work out harder.  Despite the opinion of the 70 year old man who yesterday complimented my workout as "The best he had seen in this club in years" (A club where the average age is 50 :).  I am not feeling I am working out to my full potential.  I have felt lacking in energy and running has been downright HARD.  My mom commented that I hadn't eaten much on Sunday and it made me think.  I probably hadn't eaten enough to run well.  Then I thought over the past year and how I have gotten used to being a little hungry (or rather, not full), but that with the increased duration, intensity and frequency of my workouts I might not actually be consuming enough calories to work out harder.  I have started removing some coffee from my diet as that is adding to my dehydration - often I think I am tired and I really just need a big glass of water.  So, water, check.

And for food energy I am going to add more whole grains into my diet and ignore the growth of my belly until I figure out the balance.  But that brings me back to my original point.  What often happens is that in all my running around I end up hungry and thirsty and at the gym.  I would love it if I would remember the granola bars or something like that, but I probably need something non-perishable.  A energy bar?  My electrolyte powder?  Any ideas?

I'm kinda

pissed. Because in my entire life when I have I ever wanted to go running? Let me answer that for you. NEVER! But now, that I want to, crave it, something that gives me peace - I can't - or shouldn't at least. My hip hurts. It aches. It gets worse when I exercise. What is the one thing that gives me a semblence of sanity? Exercise.

I'm tired of it hurting. I haven't run in a week. Have only worked out once. Now I feel like a big, fat, sluggish fatball of goo. So Saturday I'm going running. And the first three-four miles will feel ok. And then after that I will "feel" my hip. And then the next day it will ache and hurt and then I'll be pissed all over again.

I might be whining because at 35 this is my biggest injury. Well, longest recurring. And that says a lot from a soccer player of 20 years. A soccer player of 20 years whose hip hurts because I did yoga yesterday. Yoga. (I snorted as I said that cause I'm kinda pissed.)

and on. and on.

Recovery

I'm spending a lot of time with myself recently. Whether running or biking with music or swimming without any noise at all I have a lot of time with my thoughts. And with my upcoming Olympic Triathlon looming I am thinking a lot about whether I really have it in me to complete this thing.

What I've come to is that is all about recovery. I climb a hill, how long does it take to recover my spend and breath so that I can continue. I run a distance at a quicker speed to shorten my times and then run some more. It reminds me of the soccer years. How running quickly after the ball was important, but almost more so was the ability to recover, get back up the field to force the offsides and keep control of the game. So how well I do on this tri is really about how quickly I can recover my breath and center to go on to the next event.

And then... it makes me think about life. Because what is life if it not about recovery? How can you hold onto your heart when it has been broken? How do you get through that truly painful day when you just don't think you can make it? I have had plenty of those days. And the days get better the quicker you can recover from the pain, the heartache, the unrelenting voice of a toddler.

I wonder if I can be like the desert flower that once it has it's heart scooped out can live on the water that fills it up every morning. Root inside my decrepit parts, find myself and live each day out. Recover. And live again the next.

things I learned today

I rode twenty five miles today on my bike for test three of olympic triathlon can I actually do it without dieing test. It was furthest I'd ever gone. I stopped three times to call my family, confirm my son's haircut appointment (it sucked, does anyone have a good one?) and to breathe onetime before a 500ft climb. I feel rather less succes after this test than the others. However, I did learn a few things:

-While going down a hill at 32 miles an hour is awesome, going up that hill takes three times as long and is twice as hard. Kinda not worth it.
-There is some measure of patience learned from having lived 35 years that makes biking for 2 hours ok. Not really fun, but OK.
-Passing someone (no matter their age) is supremely awesome.
-Last but not least, if you don't want to have an epidural during delivery just ride a bike for twenty five miles. That will absolutely numb your vaginal sufficient for the smooth delivery.