Disordered Eating

Is a highly episodic and cyclical problem.  Whether it is body image issue or a food related issue you can solve it for a while, but it comes back if you let it.  It is sneaky.

When you find yourself struggling with food cravings, energy issues or bad patterns old or new there are some things you can look at to help:

1- Disordered eating usually rears it’s head when something is off in your life. Observe: is something lacking in your life, or how are you out of balance?

2-Notice how the pattern emerges (daily, hourly).  Does it look different than last time? Then…

3-Think how how you worked it out last time, is that structure still in place?  If not, would that work again?  If so, what has changed?

4- If it is new think about what is going on (probably outside of food) and notice if that brings up an emotional or food response in you.

5- Talk to someone.  Talk to someone who won’t judge you.  Someone who will listen to you and help you reflect on what is going on in your life and who makes you feel supported.

Does it help to know you are not alone?  You are not.  There are so many people out there with disordered eating issues big and small.  We all hide it.  Be proud of yourself for being aware.  Now move on to the next step and find ways to love yourself without food!

Take Care.

Quarterly Update

So I have been veganish for 3.5 months.  I’ve really enjoyed it, been feeling pretty good, but the hubbend is beginning to balk at the lack of animal products in the food I cook.  So, I decided to take a three day adventure while he is out of town.  Ironic, yes, I am aware.  However, I wanted to do it without any discussion so that I could truly see how I was feeling without interpretation by others.  Others otherwise known as the hubbend. 

I started yesterday on what appears to be a very balanced carb/fat/protein diet.  In the past when I was eating animal protein it was mostly paleo (as you might recall), but that didn’t work so I thought I’d try a structured “balanced” diet. 

So, my first reaction is wow, that is a shit-load of protein.  (The USDA My Pyramid can officially suck it.)  My second reaction is damn do I have the grouchies even with the coffee I am drinking.  My third reaction after eating an egg this morning is, “Oh yes, this is why I stopped eating eggs because when I workout after eating them I feel like I am lugging around a ton of bricks.”  This leads me back to why I have enjoyed eating less animal products in the first place.  I have enjoyed the lightness and even keel-ness of my feelings since stopping the animal products.  The past two days I have been tired and grouchy.

What is rather nice is how easy it is to eat with the animal protein in place.  It is easy to bake some fish and put some veggies and a grain with it.  It is simpler that way, but less fulfilling. for me.

I have been thinking about someone I know who eats meat and frozen spinach every day.  I sometimes wonder if I could do that.  It sounds so nice not to worry about what I eat.  But then I remember that I am me.  and me has emotional attachments to what me eats.  And me actually likes to cook now so that just sounds plain boring.

So here I go on my spring veganish adventure.  I am beginning to crave my greens and berry smoothie something fierce.  I can’t wait until Thursday morning!!

Health v Responsibility

Some make food decisions based on what tastes good, some on what is good for them and some of what they believe to be the right decision for the world/animals/environment.

Not all the time, I imagine.  Can you actually make those kinds of weighty decisions on a daily basis?  If you ever eat outside the home you know that you are abdicating your decision somewhat for the convenience.  Even restaurants I think of as healthy don’t have the ability to do the due diligence on all of their food (and is it even fiscally responsible for them to do so anyway?).

Health can be taken in a larger scheme.  My health and my family’s health can impact the health system if don’t use it as much.  But you can’t really think in those terms when deciding whether or not to eat the donut.

I used to think the organic term was crap.  But the more I learned about what is being done to the food we ingest the more it began to resonate.  I want to eat happy food.  I don’t want to eat antibiotics and chemicals and hormones.  Oddly though I went to organic produce first.  Is it easier?  Organic meat is another, more complex story it seems to me.  There is so much that goes into the growing, feeding, keeping healthy, killing and processing animal products that it is a harder (or easier perhaps if you just don’t do it) decision to make as the complexities are different for everyone. 

So do you eat food for your health?  Because you are concerned what is happening politically with the food industry?  Do you eat the food you can buy at the store you shop at? 

Are you tired yet?  I am.  Where is the bacon?  Not for me, but my hubbend and son.  They have to make the decision for themselves.  So do you.

May-kin Stuff

I don’t know exactly why I have enjoyed making peanut butter and almond milk so much recently.  Are they really so much better?  I think so.  I enjoy the process, I enjoy knowing I made something that seems ridiculously over-priced (almond milk) or often screwed with (peanut butter) in the stores.  I feel like it is a sneaky little secret that this stuff is so easy to make.  Especially with my handy high speed blender.

But you know what a lot of it is?  I love knowing that I made it because then I know what it is made of.  I know that I ordered organic nuts, I mixed it with clean, pure water and used no artificial sweeteners or other unnecessary ingredients to mess up my food.  I love this.

Know your food, right?

Morning Smoothie

I made almond milk this weekend and hadn’t tried any so this morning I thought I would make a smoothie with a slight variance from my usual water-based greens/fruit smoothies. 

It was sooo yummy and creamy and good that I thought I’d share the recipe.  Nothing too profound, but oh so good!

Almond Milk/Berry Smoothie

• 1 c plain almond milk
• 4 drops clear stevia (to sweeten)
• 6 strawberries with tops on
• 1/8 cup goji berries
• 1 cup chard
• 1 cup collard greens
• 1 banana

Blend it up, then add:

• 1 cup frozen blueberries
• 1 tb ground flaxseed

Enjoy!!

I am getting protein powder soon to ramp up my morning workouts so I will start experimenting with that as well.

Self Acceptance

This topic has been a long time in the making. 

It took a while to figure out that body/self image wasn’t all about the weight.  Interestingly though, it took losing weight to realize it.  Not sure I would have got there.  “Big and loving it” was never going to be my style.

So when I lost the weight and realized everything wasn’t perfect (something I knew intellectually, but not really) I had to finish my work.  My work on being okay with me.

Because self acceptance isn’t just about being okay with my weight, it is being okay with my body, being okay with my role in this world, the way I relate to people and how my mind works.  And that doesn’t happen over night.

So now my daily work continues.  I work on accepting that I eat differently than a lot of people.  That I am a bit extreme in my relationship with my body, but that relationship is healthy for me.  Not anyone else but me.

I am finding purpose in helping others through their journey.  I hope that my struggles will make it easier on them, but know that I needed (as always) to take the hard path.  I am working hard to be happy in my relationship with my son (a struggle every day) and I am trying to reach out more fully to those in my life that I love. 

We’ll see what the next step is.  I don’t know, but I know that I will be ready for it.   Does that make me an optimist?  Nahhh.  Don’t talk crazy.

I give

I have begun to think I’m a bad cook. I really was a bad cook, but over the past few years while staying home with my son I have become quite good (at least we think so).  One facet of my personality is that I get bored easily.  I am always trying out new recipes and searching for great ways to prepare foods I love.  So this raw thing sounded like a new fun challenge.  I started in January with my cleanse and when that was over I just kept on going.  Now some time has past and I have realized something.  The vegan(ish) part?  No problem.  The raw food part?  Ummm, that has been issue-laden.  After 2.5 months I am tired of making highly labor intensive foods that are frankly gross.  When making raw foods you don’t cook, but I am beginning to feel like I am a bad preparer of foods.  And it is taking it’s toll on my cooking psyche.

In case you are wondering, what are things I will never try again?  Pizza.  It is meant to be cooked.  Dehydrating does not will not can not get you the warm gooeyness that is pizza.  And you really need cheese.  Really.  Brussels sprouts.  That might have happened accidently as I love dehydrated broccoli, but the raw bs experience almost killed my fantastic love affair with Brussels sprouts.  So I will stick to my awesome roasted recipe.

At this point I will keep six raw recipes.  Lasagna (for special occasions), Pad Thai, two different kale salads, sprouted buckwheat porridge and a dehydrated portobello mushroom, cashew mayo on almond bread sandwich.  They are all good and will remain in the rotation.  I also enjoy sprouting beans/lentils/grains, raw hummus, all raw smoothies, and a few other ways of incorporating rawness into our eating.

So, I will try to find new recipes this summer.  But I need a break.  I need to rebuild my cooking psyche so I can feel the confidence to once more boldly prepare raw recipes that might just suck.