This topic has been a long time in the making.
It took a while to figure out that body/self image wasn’t all about the weight. Interestingly though, it took losing weight to realize it. Not sure I would have got there. “Big and loving it” was never going to be my style.
So when I lost the weight and realized everything wasn’t perfect (something I knew intellectually, but not really) I had to finish my work. My work on being okay with me.
Because self acceptance isn’t just about being okay with my weight, it is being okay with my body, being okay with my role in this world, the way I relate to people and how my mind works. And that doesn’t happen over night.
So now my daily work continues. I work on accepting that I eat differently than a lot of people. That I am a bit extreme in my relationship with my body, but that relationship is healthy for me. Not anyone else but me.
I am finding purpose in helping others through their journey. I hope that my struggles will make it easier on them, but know that I needed (as always) to take the hard path. I am working hard to be happy in my relationship with my son (a struggle every day) and I am trying to reach out more fully to those in my life that I love.
We’ll see what the next step is. I don’t know, but I know that I will be ready for it. Does that make me an optimist? Nahhh. Don’t talk crazy.