Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I play a few roles in my life: woman, mother, wife, daughter, student, and friend.  I have a hard time balancing them.  Am wondering if right now, what is stopping me is the fear of adding another - working woman - and failing at it.  I am already a failure at it, but starting again when I already feel like I barely get the other things done competetently.  Maybe a part of my brain stops me from trying.  Maybe part of me knows that adding something else in and failing would be too much for me.  And it isn't like I am doing any of my roles very well right now.  I frankly kinda suck. 

I feel like so much is wrong right now with my life.  Sure, everything is fine, but it is held on by a string.  Maybe I need the opposite - a total life overhaul - I don't know, but it can't be just adding one more thing.  That won't work.  There isn't that much of me left.  It is like that point where you pull and pull at silly putty where everything is finefinefine... OH! it broke.  Toooo far. 

Tooo far. 

Something needs to change.  Maybe that something is me.

1 comment:

  1. It might be best to just go back to work without over-thinking it, and you'll likely find that everything is fine. There is a lot of research showing that people (and stay at home moms in particular) expand the tasks they have to fill the time available. For example, no matter how many time saving innovations have been made in housekeeping (including massive ones like laundry machines and dish washers), research shows that (on average) stay at home moms will just fill the same time by making their work more neurotic, making up new tasks, dragging out other tasks, etc. It's because we all want to feel important and busy at some level. So, if you go back to being a librarian, you just might find that you're not anymore stretched in terms of the other things in your life. GOod luck!