Thursday, February 25, 2010

New/Old Word

So my husband said I need to stop using the word fat. Well, pondering that for about half a second gets me to the answer. I don't actually think I'm fat. Well, I have fat, but am not FAT. Fat is just a substitute for... bad, guilty, angry, disappointed. An inarticulate way of dealing with the emotion, but it is an emotion nonetheless. Usually I feel fat because I've done/eaten something and I'm angry/guilty at my self and disappointed in my body for not cutting me some fucking slack. Cause I work hard, people. I work out a TON, I mostly eat really well and even stopped fucking drinking for the most part. So, can't it just let me have some popcorn once in a while? Jeez.

I used to get so mad at those skinny chicks who would eat whatever they want and then complain. But as we've gotten older it has (and I remember thinking this would happen when I was the 20-something "bigger" chick) it all kind of blends together. Mostly, we are all about the same size. And mostly, we all complain about some bit of body or the other.

I think I need a support group where we can talk about food/food issues, but not one of those crazy Overeaters Anonymous places cause I don't have a disease. So I can be surrounded by people who actually want to DO something about how they eat and treat their bodies, not just bitch about it.

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