5 Minutes of Skinny

Are my 5 minutes (or six months) of skinny up? Was that my big hurrah? Cause I am not skinny any more. At least I don't think so. I look fine, don't get me wrong, but I am bigger and with that bigger makes me fear the even biggerer. What happened? Well, I think when you first lose weight you have an urgency and a willingness to do whatever you need to do to keep it off. You go a little hungry, skip meals occasionally, etc to make sure. Then you start loosening up on what you can eat. Then you start thinking that one cookie/cupcake/whatever if fine to eat. And don't get me wrong, it is fine, but when you make that decision over time it adds up- in pounds.

The thing is that I feel terribly disappointed. In myself. I LOVED being skinny. It was pretty cool when the people at the stores start looking at me and assumed I wanted dressing on the side, cause that is what skinny people do. I love that every time I grab a size of clothing I have to go back to grab the smaller size. Mostly though, I love that I don't have to buy clothes solely because they fit - I get to now make choices on clothes that I really like. That takes some getting used to. I don't want to go back to chubby/solid/sturdy Brooke. I want to be skinny Brooke.

Well, if that is true then what do I have to do? I need to be willing to be a little hungry, skip some meals and make sacrifices. Oh yes, sacrifices again. Hmmm. So, how do I do it healthfully? Because that is honestly part of the problem. I started concentrating on eating better, more healthful food (like the vegan banana bread I made yesterday) and not on the volume of food. Vegan banana bread is still bread. AND - I forgot about my 7-9 fruits/veggies rule I had in the fall.

I think I'll start there (again). I hope I can do it. I don't want to be disappointed in my body my whole life. I want to get back to loving it for it's strength, flexibility, (and perhaps rocking a bathing suit?) ;.

** 1/2 hour later - - And I think one thing that is really bugging me is how isolated I feel about this. I don't feel like I can talk about it. That bugs. So hopefully this blog will help. That is the point after all...

Cashew Cheese for Lazy Dairy Lovers

Cashew Cheese for Lazy Dairy Lovers

I thought I could eat cheese again cause I had a milkshake with no problems. Soooo wrong. I think I'll try making this.

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Baklava

Must have more baklava in my life!! So good. I made this for Valentine's Day treat - http://thebloomingplatter.blogspot.com/2010/02/vegan-baked-apples-baklava.html

I will now search for phylo dough desserts in general and baklava specifically. While it is a bit labor intensive it was so worth it. I need to post a photo. Even looks pretty good :).

When does it become

I am wondering when wanting a specific item becomes wanting anything. Obviously I'm talking about food and specifically a cookie. I am ok when I look forward to eating a butterscotch cookie and have one, but when I look forward to that cookie and then eat a different kind because they are out of butterscotch then I get worried. Because then it becomes a problem. Because then I am just eating cookies to eat cookies not because I would like to enjoy that flavor/texture combo. Of course, this problem as I see it comes on the heels of two different people telling me how well-adjusted I now appear and seem to have my food issues in check. Hah!

I am a creature of habit when it comes to my bad eating rituals. Apparently, I have a new one to break and it comes in the guise of health-food store cookies. A cookie is a cookie no matter how small. A little dr. seuss in there for you :).

Maple Almond Butter Cookies

Mason and I are going to make these this afternoon.

I'll post on wiki if it goes well.

Meatless Monday

So today is the first (hope I don't forget) meatless monday. Want to find out more/why? Go here. Several good reasons (heart health, environment) and I think it will also being interesting and fun.

It is truck day so we will will be hanging out waiting for the big excitement. I've been wanting to make peanut butter cookies, so maybe I'll do it.

Meatless meals?
breakfast - juice drink
lunch - superfoods salad
dinner - winter vegetable and pesto soup (I made the pesto last fall and froze it in cubes)

Eggplant Polenta Quiche

I'm starting Meatless Mondays in February. Breakfast - no problem. Lunch - soup/salad. Dinner - let's try this!
Eggplant Polenta Quiche