Friday, April 2, 2010

Dreading Nighttime

I've always been more of a morning person than a nighttime person. I wake up having energy and a calmness knowing what I will do that day. Nighttime I am tired and recently it has been worse. Recently, I have hit late afternoon with no energy to get outside in the rain yet knowing that if I don't I will sit inside and do nothing nothing nothing until I have to go to bed. It becomes a game of how do I kill the time. Odd, considering that should be the time to hang out with the hubbend sans kid and relax. The problem is all that time to think about all the hours when I can't/shouldn't eat and how to not do so. It builds up. What else to think about? I get bored watching tv and I can't fall asleep at 9 so I think about food. How annoying. How UNrelaxing.

During the day I can think about other things, make plans, talk to people when I get itchy and foody, but at night it just feels like a vast wasteland of time. Time when I can't eat. Maybe I need a food sponsor. One I can whenever I feel like eating. I suppose that is what friends are for, but there is only so much time I can talk about food/eating without feeling an idiot. Hence the blog. Apparently it is not quite enough.

I think I'll just wait for the weather to improve and then I can sit outside in my hammock, reading. Oh, I'd forgotten about my hammock! There is some peace. Some hope. yes... that loosens that tight (green/ball-shaped) knot in my stomach. The thing in my throat is still there, but that I can deal with.

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