I binge ate last night for the first time in a while. And as I am dealing with the consequences today - I'm heavier, feeling guilty, and sleepy - I started thinking about how/why it happened. I realized it started the night before. Wednesday night I drank too much. So, Thursday morning I was groggy and didn't feel like making breakfast. So, I waited until I met a friend for coffee and ate a breakfast sandwich there. That in itself is fine. Later, little dude only ate half his sandwich and since we were out and about and I was hungry I ate the other half. Still, this should be OK, but I already knew I was in trouble as I had planned to make pizza that night. Chard pizza with ricotta cheese, but pizza nonetheless. At this point I knew that I would probably gain a little weight due to all these carb-filled meals. But again, that would probably have been ok.
So now it is evening. I have eaten more than my fair share of pizza, start drinking and realize I am home alone. So what do I do? I EAT MORE. Why? Well, from what I can recall I thought, "I am going to weigh more tomorrow anyway I might as well eat what I want". Problem is, we don't even have good snack foods at home so I couldn't eat what I want I just ate what was there.
So, I go to bed and wake at 4 am thinking about my crappy eating, my bloated stomach and start dreading the earlyearly day making myself feel guilty adding to my food stupor with a dose of tired mama.
What a trip. I pinhole the problem truly on the moment I decided that I should just eat whatever cuz it doesn't matter. It always matters. I would still be high today, but not as high and I wouldn't feel as bad and I wouldn't have to pay for yesterday for quite as long. And perhaps, just perhaps I wouldn't feel like punishing myself so much.