Riding the Wave

I am so obsessed with food right now. It feels like a wave - I ride it as it grows and grows and then roars and crashes. All I can do is ride it out and hope that I don't get sucked under the water. Ride it out and keep making the best eating choices I can. Ride it out until this obviously female cyclical thing cycles back to a managable level. Hope I don't crash under the weight of tears and preschoolers and responsibilities and the massive number of fast food restaurants that loom. (that last one won't happen)

Huh. Even I seem to have some inviolable food rules that I can't EVER break.

Sweeteners

*I am so overwhelmed about sweeteners right now. *

Having grown up in a chubby family in the 80s we all drank (umm, still drink) Diet Pepsi. Aspartame being the sweetener of choice. Cuz you know sugar will make you fat. So will fat, of course, so in the nineties it was a sugar free, fat free explosion.

So now I research and research and research. I still don't have an answer. I thought agave sounded good, but it still is processed and just recently saw an article that it has more fructose than HFCS. Oh jeez. So there is sugar, brown sugar, raw sugar, HFCS, molasses, honey, agave and maple syrup. They are all sugar. What is a girl to use?

I have replaced aspartame in my coffee thinking that at least less processed is better. Most doctors say that stevia is best, but I don't know a single person who actually likes that stuff. Nutrition is such a baby science, if a science at all, and it can't give me the answers I seek. I know I shouldn't eat much sugar, but is it best just to stick with the source? Sugar, less processed, minimally used, but sugar? I think so. for now. Wow, this 90s girl has come far.

Endurance

Words used to describe my life as an athlete: quick, fast, aggressive, confident, strong
Words NEVER used to describe me: enduring, mental fortitude, stamina

It made sense to me in a way when I started doing spring triathlons 3 years ago. They were short distance events. I have always loved swimming and the others were short enough distances that I knew I could do it. It attracted my athletic side that had languished since quitting soccer three years before. I did one my first year (9 months post partum) and then two more the next summer. I even finished in the top ten that third one. So why the Olympic length? I had no design to run far, it seemed to boring, and I really didn't think I could swim that far. It was something out there like a carrot - something I couldn't do - except I don't really accept that and kept it in my mind this whole time.

Last fall I decided to start running further. And here I am three years after my first triathlon (with a one year break), having tripled my running distance, about to compete in my first Olympic Triathlon. Is it a big deal? To me, yes. To all those triathletes out there that run Ironmans, absolutely not. So, I will run my race to the best of my ability and not worry about all them. With that in mind I made a list of "Things I love about triathlons."

Swim-the absolute silence (with earplugs in) and concentration on all your muscles working together to move with grace
Bike-the 33mph I can get to going down a hill
Run- the kick I have at the end of a course

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it!

Recovery

I'm spending a lot of time with myself recently. Whether running or biking with music or swimming without any noise at all I have a lot of time with my thoughts. And with my upcoming Olympic Triathlon looming I am thinking a lot about whether I really have it in me to complete this thing.

What I've come to is that is all about recovery. I climb a hill, how long does it take to recover my spend and breath so that I can continue. I run a distance at a quicker speed to shorten my times and then run some more. It reminds me of the soccer years. How running quickly after the ball was important, but almost more so was the ability to recover, get back up the field to force the offsides and keep control of the game. So how well I do on this tri is really about how quickly I can recover my breath and center to go on to the next event.

And then... it makes me think about life. Because what is life if it not about recovery? How can you hold onto your heart when it has been broken? How do you get through that truly painful day when you just don't think you can make it? I have had plenty of those days. And the days get better the quicker you can recover from the pain, the heartache, the unrelenting voice of a toddler.

I wonder if I can be like the desert flower that once it has it's heart scooped out can live on the water that fills it up every morning. Root inside my decrepit parts, find myself and live each day out. Recover. And live again the next.

Deservation

So I ate a very yummy orange poppyseed piece of cake today. I was at the grocery store and thought I deserved it. It was very good. I had just come from a bike ride so I probably did, right? But what is deserving? And do I deserve a treat EVERY time I exercise? That seems a dangerous proposition. I am training for a triathlon so I am exercising every day. I have read that some people eat treats only on the weekend or S-days. I generally eat a treat if a really good one is presented to me. But really, I don't need treats that often. They just make me high and oh-so-very low. Not to mention the fact that I might be sabotaging my good eating habits by continuously adding sweets to my eating regimen.

Did I deserve a treat today? No. I was just hungry after working out for three hours. I had a treat yesterday. I didn't need one today. But mindlessness gets in the way. And singlemindedness towards the goal of one "deserved treat that looks super yummy and I can't get my mind off of it so I must eat it".

Should get back to my book now. I think it has good stuff. Nothing mind blowing. Just seems to be the right language, the right cadence and enough common background to be just what I need right now. Me, Food and God. We'll see.

things I learned today

I rode twenty five miles today on my bike for test three of olympic triathlon can I actually do it without dieing test. It was furthest I'd ever gone. I stopped three times to call my family, confirm my son's haircut appointment (it sucked, does anyone have a good one?) and to breathe onetime before a 500ft climb. I feel rather less succes after this test than the others. However, I did learn a few things:

-While going down a hill at 32 miles an hour is awesome, going up that hill takes three times as long and is twice as hard. Kinda not worth it.
-There is some measure of patience learned from having lived 35 years that makes biking for 2 hours ok. Not really fun, but OK.
-Passing someone (no matter their age) is supremely awesome.
-Last but not least, if you don't want to have an epidural during delivery just ride a bike for twenty five miles. That will absolutely numb your vaginal sufficient for the smooth delivery.

A bit more on that

My son came in this morning after having gone the snacks cabinet and eaten a whole package of graham crackers. He had one yesterday as a snack and apparently had been thinking of them since then. He had already eaten breakfast. Sound familiar? wow. The book I was (put it down for a bit to stop being angry) mentioned that kids are chubby earlier now because these tendencies are showing up earlier.

eek!

Do your kids do this too?