This is 44

I turned 44 yesterday and passed one of the first milestones on this no sugar experiment.  My birthday dinner if often centered around where I want to eat dessert.  Sometimes because I am trying to keep those pesky glutens and dairy out of my diet (because they make my stomach unhappy) and sometimes because I just want to have it! Yesterday, because dessert was taken out of the equation I picked a restaurant based on the main meal itself and was able to enjoy that experience with my boys without a thought as to whether I'd be too full/stomach-hurty/fat/unhappy to eat dessert.  And I am so pleased.

#Thisis44 is a common hashtag on my Facebook feed as many of my online friends are re-connections from high school.  We are all turning 44 and trying to figure out what that means, what it looks like and how to move forward toward 50.  eek.

So this morning I woke up sans hangover of any kind, really hungry, and ready to start my workday I was pleased that this experiment seems to be working.  This may be 44, but I keep getting better - at least that's what my husband says.

What is sugar?

So I heard someone say, "...during that year you didn't eat sugar" during a podcast yesterday and I smiled to myself.  I haven't eaten sugar for two months and I thought, "What if I did it for ten more months?"  How extreme is that you wonder?  Not so much when you consider I did it for health reasons.  I have been trying for years to figure out what is going on with my body.  At 40 my mind-body connection decided to go to pieces and I've been trying to unfuck it since.  I've done a pretty good job going at it from all angles: diet, exercise, allergies tests, ENT, asthma medications, breathing, meditation, acupuncture.  The result is pretty good health, but a constantly runny nose.

Why no sugar? One of the last remaining mental blocks I have around food is that constant wondering when I next get to eat it.  And it makes me wonder, why would I let something else be in control of me?  I have never liked it and have removed everything else that controls me, so why would I keep this one just for the sake of other peoples comfort and the occasional piece of cake.  This time I wouldn't be quitting sugar for extrinsic reasons, it finally is because I want to feel better on the inside.  I want to feel in control of my body (I really hate that runny nose).  When my ND said no sugar for a month to see if that would fix my runny nose due to candida in my system you know I was willing to try it.

I'm not sure if you know, but I stopped drinking over four years ago.  And it started with a few months, then 6 months, then a year and then... why drink?  I feel better not drinking so why start again now.  I noticed early how related drinking was to sugar and had a friend who drank a lot who told me they didn't have a sweet tooth... until they stopped drinking and noticed their sugar cravings.  I've never claimed to be one of those silly savory people.  I've developed a savory tooth over the years due to my diligence in my diet, but that sweet tooth still persists.

So when I heard no sugar for a year it echoed that feeling.  I feel better with no sugar - and it isn't low inflammation, more energy stuff.  I still have a runny nose and have been sick more in the past year then in my whole life, but I feel better not thinking about when I'm next going to eat sugar.  There was a release at some point about two weeks into the start in March- oh, no sugar, great, let's move on.  And what a breathe, a great deep one, that was.  And is.  So I'll continue to not eat sugar... Why make it formal?  Because things are coming up - holidays that generally involve sugar, Mother's Day, my birthday, a post competition celebration and three birthdays in June.  And I realized I was dreading them because I didn't want to start planning and thinking and hoping that I once again would get stuck in that rut of waiting for my next sugaring.

Before I move I need to know.  What is sugar?  And it seems to come down to honey.  Added sugars are no.  For sure.  But honey as a flavoring seems to be bugging me.  I talked to the hubbend and we wondered if zero meant zero or if there was a gradation of intent.  Or was the total percentage within an item that constitutes "sugar".   I've waffled and wondered now for a day about three items: ketchup, honey mustard dressing and PamNTam's (my local farmer) pork sausage.  And I've decided, yes, they are sugar.  Mostly because I don't want to give them up.  

I am sitting here wondering what is next. My official start date was March 6.  It's on?!?!

Food Rules

I have gone back and forth about having food rules.  While one hand thinks it is something my teenage self would want to rebel against, the other hand thinks it is a good idea to have some structure in my life to guide my eating habits.  I don’t want to put it on my refrigerator (that seems so 2008) so I thought I’d write them out here.

1-Meals should be based on plant sources

2-When eating carbs they should be whole grains or starches (note to self to make crackers)

3-Remember to put beans/mushrooms into meals so I get enough protein in my diet (avoiding dizziness while in handstands is a good thing)

4 -Caffeine and alcohol no more than three times a week

5- Eat only whole soy products with the very occasional soy milk (and not very often at that)

6-Only eat animal products meaningfully, not lazily

7-Sweets are for the weekend

Upon editing this a bit I tried to keep the language about what is in my diet, not concentrating on what I want to keep out.  A little mentality out there for you . (yes, I know that is not a real word, but it seemed apt.)

I think what this list shows me is what I struggling with right now or what I think is really important.  I wanted to add a rule about no more than three meals a day, but that isn’t a challenge for me so I didn’t.  So, these rules are my guidelines, my way of eating that makes me feel good.  My way of eating that I eat when my head doesn’t eat me first.

Inner beast

And my inner beasty rears its ugly head.

Like so many things we tend to attribute the bad parts of us to outside causes.  I was reading a book recently where the main protagonist was fighting against herself in a good vs bad battle to make the right decisions.  She called the bad side “the beast” until she realized it was all her.

Such it is with me.  Sometimes the beast is calm.  I make good food decisions, I eat really well, and enjoy doing so.  Other times the beast takes over and I feel out of control, unhappy about it, but seemingly can’t stop it.  This cycle builds and builds until I am so irritated, so out of control that I have to bitch slap the beast and start again.

And so it begins again.  I do a cleanse.  I restart my good habits, clean eating, listening to my foods rules that the beast so easily eschews.  This lasts longer and longer as I have built in this cycle starting from strength. 

Sometimes I think the beast is dead.  I think I am so strong now I can handle anything.  But then something so simple trips me up and I eat something I wouldn’t usually eat and it then another and then another. 

It is really frustrating to wish that food could just be the energy to provides my body the strength to do the things that makes me appreciate living in me.  Once again I have to sit back, think about how to build from strength and appreciate the weakness so that cycle can be stronger this time and perhaps I can learn, make adjustments and do it again better.

I love the clean part so.  I love the calm in my brain.  I must remember not to feel such a fraud.  I am not perfect.  Who is?  I am on this path.  Every moment of my life has brought me here.  What can I learn from this to take me into the future with love?

Wherein Brooke realizes there is a lot to this eating thing

I recently read Eating Animals by Jonathon Safron Foer.  This book definitely grossed me out with its imagery,  sent me over the edge, and drove the hubbend crazy (due to my eternal badgering him over the grossness of eating meat). Now I am reading Omnivores Dilemma again and I am waiting for Michael Pollan to react the same way.  I am reading it wondering, how can you see all you have seen and still eat meat?  Yet he does. 

I am happy to say I have relaxed on my hubbend and now don’t badger him at all on the subject, but as this loosening occurs and the longer time passes from reading that book (EA) the more I lose my own grip on the subject.  To some degree the ability to eat meat comes from forgetting that the meat comes from an animal and the process it took to get there.  So I sit and wonder how bad the honey chicken from the Chinese restaurant could be.  The answer?  It isn’t if you are ok with eating chicken.  But to make the leap back into eating meat makes that chicken not feel like the right choice.  So, what is the right choice?  And why?

There are so many external factors and influences to how you eat.  Sometimes it is hard to know what to do and the more information you get the more confusing it can be.  Sometimes I just want to eat something and not care about it.  I want to eat it not caring how I am going to feel, look and how ethical the process is that got that food in front of me.  Sometimes, but not often I wish I could unlearn all that I have learned and go back to eating badly.

But then.  Isn’t that what eating is supposed to be?  Isn’t eating supposed to be about what your body wants and not the mind?  It isn’t supposed to be about rules and calories and nutritional bytes.  My body needs this food to fuel my activities and mind converting it to energy and future thoughts.

How do I get there?  Because that is really the goal in all this.  To eat.  Mindfully yet honoring the body. Enjoying the food that sustains me.  How do I do this? 

I don’t know. And I’m bummed.

Confusion Reigneth

I am so confused about what to eat right now.  Not something you would expect to hear from one immersed in a nutrition school, but that is the case.  Between my diet experiments over the last few years and learning about all the dietary theories over the past 7 months I just have no idea how I am supposed to eat. 

So, let’s assess:

Vegetables are good. Fill me up, digestion awesomeness ensues (can’t only eat vegetables, so…)

Meat – a bit of a moral issue there now.  Although if you have happy chickens at home I would be happy to eat your eggs.  Fish is on my questionable list right now too.  Have been eating some, but not really happy about it.  Beef.  Beef I just have this bad memory of this nasty rotten eggs taste I had in my mouth after I ate it.  And it was good, local beef.  hmm.

Fruit – LOVE apples, most fruit.  all good.  especially blueberries.

Nuts – tend to go a little crazy on them, but they are good in general (must keep watch)

Legumes – yummmy and good.  Must remember to get fermented foods in though when eating them.

Dairy – only if fermented or on the rare special occasion.

Soy – try to mimimize non fermented varieties, but good digestively for me

Grains – only eat these in the morning or they can give my indigestion in the afternoon

Fats- trying to lower that (keeping to avocado and nuts)

Sugar makes me run around like a bobble-headed tweety bird.

Caffeine is ok a little bit at a time, but I can’t sleep very well with much in my system.

I am about 2 weeks into not weighing myself and not eating any specific way.  I am just eating my recommended allowance of fruits/veg (5-9 servings).  I am not limiting.  Other than 5-9 servings of fruit/veg a day I eat what I want.

I might not be as skinny as I was, but I think I need to say screw it for now.  Being healthy is more important than being skinny. 

The last time I tried (hubbend remembers that as the Oreo year) was when I read Intuitive Eating and Overcoming Overeating.  Both good books, but now I am in such a better place that I can do it truly.  Without the oreos .

We are all different.  We all digest differently, have different tastes, energy needs and ability to transfer food into energy.  We all have unique needs, bodies, minds and processes.  And we are all living different lives that fulfill us, stress us and nurture us differently.

This is what is going on with me right now.  Actually nice to have it written down so I can track it.

Quarterly Update

So I have been veganish for 3.5 months.  I’ve really enjoyed it, been feeling pretty good, but the hubbend is beginning to balk at the lack of animal products in the food I cook.  So, I decided to take a three day adventure while he is out of town.  Ironic, yes, I am aware.  However, I wanted to do it without any discussion so that I could truly see how I was feeling without interpretation by others.  Others otherwise known as the hubbend. 

I started yesterday on what appears to be a very balanced carb/fat/protein diet.  In the past when I was eating animal protein it was mostly paleo (as you might recall), but that didn’t work so I thought I’d try a structured “balanced” diet. 

So, my first reaction is wow, that is a shit-load of protein.  (The USDA My Pyramid can officially suck it.)  My second reaction is damn do I have the grouchies even with the coffee I am drinking.  My third reaction after eating an egg this morning is, “Oh yes, this is why I stopped eating eggs because when I workout after eating them I feel like I am lugging around a ton of bricks.”  This leads me back to why I have enjoyed eating less animal products in the first place.  I have enjoyed the lightness and even keel-ness of my feelings since stopping the animal products.  The past two days I have been tired and grouchy.

What is rather nice is how easy it is to eat with the animal protein in place.  It is easy to bake some fish and put some veggies and a grain with it.  It is simpler that way, but less fulfilling. for me.

I have been thinking about someone I know who eats meat and frozen spinach every day.  I sometimes wonder if I could do that.  It sounds so nice not to worry about what I eat.  But then I remember that I am me.  and me has emotional attachments to what me eats.  And me actually likes to cook now so that just sounds plain boring.

So here I go on my spring veganish adventure.  I am beginning to crave my greens and berry smoothie something fierce.  I can’t wait until Thursday morning!!

Health v Responsibility

Some make food decisions based on what tastes good, some on what is good for them and some of what they believe to be the right decision for the world/animals/environment.

Not all the time, I imagine.  Can you actually make those kinds of weighty decisions on a daily basis?  If you ever eat outside the home you know that you are abdicating your decision somewhat for the convenience.  Even restaurants I think of as healthy don’t have the ability to do the due diligence on all of their food (and is it even fiscally responsible for them to do so anyway?).

Health can be taken in a larger scheme.  My health and my family’s health can impact the health system if don’t use it as much.  But you can’t really think in those terms when deciding whether or not to eat the donut.

I used to think the organic term was crap.  But the more I learned about what is being done to the food we ingest the more it began to resonate.  I want to eat happy food.  I don’t want to eat antibiotics and chemicals and hormones.  Oddly though I went to organic produce first.  Is it easier?  Organic meat is another, more complex story it seems to me.  There is so much that goes into the growing, feeding, keeping healthy, killing and processing animal products that it is a harder (or easier perhaps if you just don’t do it) decision to make as the complexities are different for everyone. 

So do you eat food for your health?  Because you are concerned what is happening politically with the food industry?  Do you eat the food you can buy at the store you shop at? 

Are you tired yet?  I am.  Where is the bacon?  Not for me, but my hubbend and son.  They have to make the decision for themselves.  So do you.

May-kin Stuff

I don’t know exactly why I have enjoyed making peanut butter and almond milk so much recently.  Are they really so much better?  I think so.  I enjoy the process, I enjoy knowing I made something that seems ridiculously over-priced (almond milk) or often screwed with (peanut butter) in the stores.  I feel like it is a sneaky little secret that this stuff is so easy to make.  Especially with my handy high speed blender.

But you know what a lot of it is?  I love knowing that I made it because then I know what it is made of.  I know that I ordered organic nuts, I mixed it with clean, pure water and used no artificial sweeteners or other unnecessary ingredients to mess up my food.  I love this.

Know your food, right?

Food Grouch

I have recently become a large fan of this blog written by someone who calls herself the Wellness Bitch.  And yesterday after ready a post on FB where someone totally attacked this person for her food choices (she had started a detox) I went to the WB and read something that resonated. 

Why do you think being negative would be productive in getting someone to change their eating habits?  Because I surely turn inward when someone attacks me.  The WB talked about how you sometimes feel like you are the only one standing up for your food choices.  That you feel weird.  And outside.  I don’t feel that way all the time, but I do sometimes.

Sure, it would be lovely if I had grown up a completely different person who didn’t care about food and just blithely went along making good food choices.  Doesn’t that sound great?  But I didn’t and I don’t.  I work hard at this.  I made great food (and horrible food) in this experiment of life that I call eating food that sustains me.  I shop in the bulk and produces sections solely these days in my vegan eating choices with an occasional trip down Tofu Way.

My son doesn’t like the look of these foods understandably (they don’t look at all like a grilled cheese sandwich), but I have to hope that what I am doing will positively impact him.  I don’t want him to struggle like I have.  I am proud that he knows all the vegetables by name in the house and knows food by the glass jar in the pantry, not by the packaging.

I am sorry if I’m a grouch, but this food thing isn’t easy.  The body changes as do the seasons and with that change comes a new set of foods to eat and learn how to cook.  I want to help people (my son, my husband, my family, my clients) make good food choices so they can be healthy for them.  I want people to understand that food isn’t always about hunger, but emotion and the past.  And this is ok.  I am doing the work so I can help others as well as myself.  And to make the decision to finally choose themselves.  Fully.

We all liked Oscar anyway, right?

Labels, Part Two

I recently found out the label for the diet I was follow from the fall of 2009 to last fall.  It is called the Paleo Diet and is based upon the principles of eating whole foods like man ate before the development of cities.  You should eat mostly fruits, vegetables and animal protein with a moderate fat intake.  I followed this diet for a long time until I realized that it wasn’t working for me.  I was developing a junk food (in the form of tortilla chips) habit that I craved alongside sugar.  Last fall I added in root vegetables (as it was the season) which curbed the sugar, but caused me to gain weight.  It didn’t make me happy anymore.

This January I have come upon a way of eating that makes me so happy.  I am eating 2/3 raw meals and 1/3 vegan/vegetarian meals.  A truly surprising develop considering my resistance to it when I listened to the lessons for school. I hesitate to label myself that way though, because this is how I feel now.  It developed through the cleanse I am doing and has just suited me.  Will I ever eat animal meat again?  My guess is I will.  Will I go totally raw this summer?  I have no idea.  But right now, this is making me happy. I feel vibrant, energetic and clear.  I am at a weight I truly like and feels sustainable. 

What am I eating that makes me feel so good?  I am eating beans, leafy greens, root (and other) vegetables, and fruits in abundance and whole grains and fats (in the form of nuts, seeds and avocado) in moderation.  Sounds eminently reasonable, right?  You are thinking this doesn’t sound too bad, aren’t you?

Why am I thinking about this right now?  Because I think this is all individual.  This is working for me, but I wouldn’t tell you that this is the healthiest diet and everyone should do it.  Having just read The China Study and Good Calories, Bad Calories simultaneously I can tell you that studies can be interpreted many different ways and that the scientists really don’t have a universal answer either.  My mom hasn’t eaten chocolate, coconut or eggs often for the past twenty years because the prevailing wisdom said not to if she wants to control her cholesterol.  Both those books said something different on the subject.  Somewhat similar, but from a different foundational basis.

So.  Chew on that for a while and then ask yourself, “Is the food I’m eating sustaining me?”  If not, you don’t need to find a diet by name (although I imagine that makes it easier) just try to discover the foods that make you feel good and the ones that slow you down.  Try to remove the ones that drain you and more of the ones that fill you with energy.  Or you can call me .

Internal Cleanse Rundown (Part Two)

 

I am now beginning the second part of the cleanse that will last this month of January (until Feb5).  I completed the colon cleanse last week and they tell you to spend four –six days regulating.  Week one of the Internal Cleanse will go after my liver and gallbladder (should be interesting…), week two- lungs, kidney and bladder and week three is blood, skin and lymph.

I have been eating two raw meals a day followed by a third vegan meal in the evening.  One night it was vegetarian stuffed pizza (mmm, cheese) and it was super yummy.  Also, interestingly the cheese didn’t bother me a bit which means my intestines really are pretty clean and lacking the stuff that makes digesting casein tough for me generally.

At first I thought I didn’t have enough food in me to do the exercise I regularly do at the level I would like, but I am not sure that is the answer.  When I have my green smoothie right before I workout I am fine. 

I am pretty cold all the time. But I absolutely love the even keel I am running on.  And can I tell you that I really like the food?  I look forward evening evening to my big exciting “cooked” meal.  And the food during the day is yummy and I can eat as much as I want.  So exciting for one such as myself.

Another interesting thing is I finally figured out what is causing my indigestion for the past year.  Nuts!  Sad for me, but good to know.  Nuts are a great afternoon snack for me to last until dinner.  I can have a few, but just nothing crazy.  Moderation as always.

So that is it for the rundown.  Looking forward to seeing what my liver has to say to me now that it has a chance to stand up for itself. 

So.  Who is going to Blossoming Lotus with me?  Not sure hubbend is up for it…

And stayed tuned for the great Blendtec vs. VitaMix – off!  The duel of the century will take place this Wednesday .

Healthy and Skinny are not the same thing

Now everyone with me say, “DUH”.

Well, recently I have been eating really well.  Almost completely organic, mostly vegetarian, seasonally appropriate and predominantly local foods.  Feeling good about my food choices but for one thing that is “uhhmm” weighing me down.  Yep.  The weight thing is such a problem.  The number.  I didn’t weigh myself for about three years.  It was such a nice time .

That number just kills me though.  I am eating so well, but after a dinner of brown rice, tofu, broccoli and peppers I am up about two pounds.  Now, seemingly my body doesn’t like brown rice (maybe it is the phytic acid), but STILL.  I need to find another whole grain that treats me a little better.  Quinoa is good, but hubbend doesn’t like it.  I shall try kasha, amaranth and millet next.

I get frustrated when I feel like I am working so hard at this and I am still not rewarded.  (Rewarded now, that is.)  Which definitely points out one of my problems with food.  It might have altered a bit, but the fact that I think I should get a gold star for eating well tells me something is still off.  Intellectually you may know that eating well will keep you healthier in the long run and eating locally/organically is good for the environment, but is that truly what keeps you going?  Not me.  I want to eat well enough so that my body stays strong for as long as possible, but I feel like my reward should be something like, “And now, Brooke, after all that hard work, you shall be rewarded with the loss of the sugar craving.  You will now enjoy the foods you eat that sustain you and will not feel disappointed at the end of the meal because it was “so healthy” and there wasn’t a sweet reward.”

Is that too much to ask?  I guess so. <sigh>

So I am down two pounds today.  Two more to go until I am normal again.  And still I wait.  And work.  And hope some day for that reward.

Then again

Once again the rules have changed and I am slightly behind in figuring it out.  I am not the most intuitive person so I am not surprised just glad that it finally sunk in.

What am I talking about?  The vague references aren’t clear?  It might be my lack of clarity which explains my lack of ability to clearly elucidate my thoughts.

I am sitting here sweating because I have had coffee which my body evidently doesn’t need.  Lemme go get a glass of cool water and I’ll be back.

OK.  Will henceforth start spilling it~ I have been eating too many carbs!  What?  How did that happen?  Well, after spending one year eschewing them as a way to maintain weight, this fall I started adding root vegetables and whole grains meaningfully into my diet.  Why you ask?  Well, this summer I didn’t have enough umph during my Olympic Triathlon and part of that was due to not enough carbohydrates in my diet.  Because complex carbs are good for endurance athletes.  The fiber slows down the absorption giving your body energy over time. 

So, what is the deal now?  Well, I am not training for a triathlon right now.  I work out, but just not as hard or for as long.  I don’t need all those carbs in my diet to keep my body keeping on.  I need to back off a bit.  Cause the belly is bugging me. 

In the spring I can come back to this, but I need for find my balance for now.  For winter.  Which is different than spring when I am training for running.  Which is different than summer when I am actively training and competing.  Which is different than fall.  Wow, this stuff isn’t easy.  And everyone is different. 

The body is amazing and complex, isn’t it?

Chicken guilt

When I first started cooking I learned to make chicken.  And when my mom would come to visit we would head to Costco to get their individually wrapped chicken breasts.  Et voila, Brooke had what she needed to make whatever chicken dish she could find.

I love my chicken cashew salad recipe.  It is so great, easy, and great as leftovers.  I have made it for at least 6 years and chances are that I’ve made it for you. 

When I lost weight last year I found the easiest way to maintain it (and lose it initially) was a diet low in starchy carbs, high in protein.  This is not a diet that can (or should) be maintained for a long time as we do not need this much protein in our diets.  About six months ago, once I was finally confident that I would maintain my weight loss, I began working on eating less protein and adding more complex carbohydrates in my diet. <tangent> I should mention that I have added in more mono and polyunsaturated fats into my diet… They fill you up and give your brain something to live on.  If I hear “fats make you fat” one more time I might scream!! </tangent>   I also had my long standing sugar problem to work on.  This fall, I realized that all those sugary vegetables could totally help those cravings.  How exciting!

So now I find myself eating very little (meat-based) protein and feeling happier because I am bingeing less on those sugary foods. 

When I went to Costco Monday to stock up for Thanksgiving I bought some chicken out of habit.  it had been on my Costco list for over a month and I just hadn’t missed it in the freezer.  It is crazy though because ever since I put it in the car I realized that I didn’t want it, I didn’t need that much chicken any more and fully bought it because I used to.  I even feel some guilt knowing it is in my freezer right now.  These days when I make my cashew chicken salad I usually make it with turkey.  Local, organic, turkey.  A turkey or chicken that lived a decent life.  Because I am not going to stop eating protein all together.  I don’t find that morally I feel that need.  But I do have enough knowledge now to want to eat things that have lived a good life and I want to put things in my body that are going to enhance my experience of living.

What am I thankful for?  The knowledge that I’ve acquired to know that I am filling my body up with good foods, treated humanely and filling myself up with goodness as well.  I am going to go make my Thanksgiving turkey now that has been brining over night.  I am going to dance a little and talk nicely to it as I do.  It could only do good right?  If mood contributes to who you are it can certainly contribute to what happens when you eat.

Take Care and have a GREAT Thanksgiving!

My green limit

I was wandering around the Capitol yesterday looking for a place to eat a yummy lunch.  I search on my brookeberry for "organic restaurant" and "vegan cafe" just to see what I could find.  I found one that looked good and went off on a walk to the restaurant.  On the way  I found "Green Cafe" and walked in.  It looked very environmentally friendly, yummy, but when I got the line to order I realized it was a little too green for me.  No coffee on this cold blustery day.  And while I really like to make good healthy choices for the food I eat I found my limit.  I wanted coffee, I wanted the option of desert and I wanted to pick and choose from more than three salad options.

I need balance in the foods I eat because when I eat "too healthy" it causes the inevitable backlash (binge) and the resultant guilt.  So I look for balance in my meals and try to get some variety that will keep my interested and satiated.  So I can enjoy that yummy pecan pie when I see it.  Food can't be the enemy because that makes me my own enemy.  And I don't want that for myself.  Anymore.

So, a potentially new food rule for me: If the restaurant is sooo healthy that they won't even serve coffee, it is probably too healthy for me.

Fat books

I actually walked away from a fat book today.  For the first time I didn't resonate.  So, I put it down, put it in the book return slot and sent it back.

I usually love reading about emotional eating.  I feel good reading about people who have problems with eating or their size and then in typical light fiction fashion work through it and are happy.  Or, I read the nonfiction variety about how and why people eat and different ways to think about food. 

I recently read a book where the protagonist talked about binge eating.  Not all fat people binge eat or even have eating issues and not all thin people eat well.  In fact most people don't eat well at all.   My main eating issues come from hiding and binge eating.  I know exactly what I should be eating, but "want" the other foods.  You know, the ones that everyone else eats.  I hide the bad food that I eat so that no one knows why I am chubby.  I eat it so that no one can look at me and know my weakness.  It is interesting that being fat is something that you can't hide.  So many other addictions can be hidden fully from society/friends/family.  Eating badly can be hidden - you can portray all the healthiness you want from your vegetarian/organic/whatever diet, but the resultant habits show up very clearly on your body whether it is bad skin, weight in places you don't want it or in lack of muscle tone.

I used to resent all the skinny bitches out there.  Now I don't.  I realize they are no better off than me.  They have their issues - issues that don't always show on the outside. 

I associate with binge eaters even though I am no longer fat.  I associate with people who try to eat to feel better.  I associate with the lonely stay at home moms who yearn for a community and a place to feel accepted for their choices.

Think about what you hide.  Think about what you want from your life.  Now try to bridge the gap between the two.  How can you make it happen?  How can you make what you want from your life into what you have dreamed?

Week Two of a Dairy/Egg free life

I was sick last week so I was quiet about this.  I didn’t think I noticed much at first, but aside from the weird grossness I feel from eating fried foods last night I think I feel better without the dairy/eggs in my life.  I feel a little lighter and cleaner.  Oddly, last week I was mostly vegan as a consequence of eating dairy free.  I had tuna once, but mostly ate veggies, soups and squashes (as befits the season).  I think it was easier without hubbend home so I didn’t eat out much – just ate simpler.

I am going to try to go without magnesium this week to see if it is really helpful, but aside from missing eggs for breakfast it isn’t really hard to go without.  Although eating outside the home is fairly challenging as well.

I’ll keep thinking about it.  Next week I’ll be traveling so I will have eggs, but it might be hard to tell why I am feeling good, bad or ugly and if it is related to eggs or just travel.

I am thinking I will do a whole body/organ cleanse in January this year.  That or the whole life nutrition 28 day cleanse which is for the gluten-free people in your life.  Who wants to join me?

Pumpkin Cookies

I am not much of a baker.  Mostly because I have a problem with portion control.  I do love my sweets though – cookies specifically.  Usually my favorite cookie has walnuts, chocolate chips and oatmeal in it.  Poor hubs so wishes that he could have a white flour, sugar, butter and chocolate chip cookie, but alas, those days are gone.
I am a great lover of pumpkin though and recently when I’ve wanted to make cookies I try to think in my head what ingredients are the ones calling to me.  And as the fall, root vegetable and warming season is upon us the pumpkin called to me today.  There were pumpkin oatmeal cookies, but those seemed like they were trying too hard.  (Although I might try them out later.)

Here are the cookies.  Super yummy and soft.  Enjoy!

Am reading “The School of Essential Ingredients” right now. Next time I make cookies I will replace even more of the egg and will probably take a message from the narrator’s school and add the sugar in later… and allow more air into the wet ingredients by slowing down my blending.

Food Labeling, Pt 2

Hubbend thought it was weird that as a future Health Counselor I would have have written last Friday's post on food labeling.  So let me clarify.  I don't have a problem with food labeling per se, I just feel like it is potentially another place where we can get advertised to and taken advantage of.  If the large food corporations, who we know are not developing food for our health but to make themselves more money, are the ones blasting us with information on corn sugar then we might eventually believe that is healthy because it is so pervasive. 

I also feel some concern that we would limit our food options based on these labels and our perceptions as to what healthy is based on another person's food choices.  I shouldn't be vegan because another person says it is healthy.  I should be vegan because it morally, physically, and emotionally aligns with my eating preferences.

And who is this "we" I am referencing?  Well, mostly it is not the people I know who are generally thoughtful about the food they eat and are well informed individuals with access to information.  I am mostly worried about those of us who aren't.  Because I get confused sometimes trying to discern what is fact and what is advertisement.  And the field of nutrition is an ever changing nebulous science. 

I just think we should be cautious and take care.  Of our bodies.  Our health.  Our life.